the gravy train of strained english...
dubyaspeak.com has to be one of the best sites on the web for cataloging the boy emporer's numerous verbal gaffes. now they have a quiz where you can test your ability to discern dubya's words from those of dan quayle. i'm not bragging, but i did score and 8 out of 10.
May 20, 2003
the gravy train of strained english...
as hateable as she is...
the guardian did a nice little write up on america's favorite blonde right wing bimbo. this women is clearly insane. the writer of this piece argues that she might have some kind of self-hatred issue related to being a woman. she actually suggests that women shouldn't have the right to vote...
Why does she think the franchise is too big already? Who exactly has the vote who shouldn't have? "Women," she says, laughing. "It's true. It would be a much better country if women did not vote. That is simply a fact. In fact, in every presidential election since 1950 - except Goldwater in '64 - the Republican would have won, if only the men had voted."
By Joel at 1:45 PM
May 19, 2003
a little monday morning humor...
(this was sent to me, but i don't know who wrote it...anyway, enjoy.)
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is
waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here, "says the devil. "You are on my list but I
have no room for you."
"You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let
YOU decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room: in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of
water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over.
Such was his fate in hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't
think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room: in it was Tony Blair with
a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer,
time after time after time.
"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony
if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.
The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the
floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in spread
Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah,
I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said...........
"OK, Monica, you're free to go!"
By Joel at 7:30 AM
May 13, 2003
more things to worry about...
i guess the bush administration feels we need more things to worry about. we're already duct-taping our homes out of fear of a bio-terror attack, right? and of course saddam had his finger on the button ready to fire all kinds of nasty stuff at peoria. and of course there's still shark attacks, SARS, anthrax, computer hackers and school shooters to worry about. now one of the defense department's top dogs wants the U.S. to consider using nuclear weapons more often. this guy, keith payne, suggested that we could have used nukes in the first gulf war.
here's an excerpt:
"If the locations of dispersed mobile launchers cannot be determined with enough precision to permit pinpoint strikes, suspected deployment areas might be subjected to multiple nuclear strikes."
so what he's suggesting is like some kind of super-pre-emptive doctrine where not only do we wage war if we suspect another country has weapons, but we strafe the area with nuclear weapons. incredible. (and this schmuck still has a job as a legitimate policy thinker in the bush adminstration.)
By Joel at 2:02 PM
May 9, 2003
gone to pot...
beer is the drug of choice here in joel's pub, but i have notice a few interesting stories recently related to the push for legalizing marijuana. as a political issue, no U.S. leaders are willing to take it up, but maybe the bush twins will mention it at the dinner table one night?
I can only hope...
dubya: "what's this about you smoking a doobie with ashton kutcher, jenna?"
jenna bush: "well at least i'm not hooked on prescription painkillers like my cousin. and dammit dad, weren't you caught with a little nose candy of your own before stealing the election?"
meanwhile, up in canada, logic prevails. their government is actually having an intelligent dialogue about the issue. it's just too bad that our own drug czar doesn't feel so confident about canadian democracy. maybe we'll have to "liberate" them next?
By Joel at 11:48 AM
May 8, 2003
fall from grace...
it's nice to see this jerk exposed for the charlatan he is. i actually remember teachers and students at the univ. of maryland journalism school talking about what a great example he was of a young journalist. it turns out jayson blair was cheating every step of the way. here's an excerpt from howard kurtz's washpost story (even though i don't exactly have a lot of faith in mr. kurtz): anyway, here goes:
"Blair, who has bragged of being one of the youngest reporters hired by the Times, has expressed regret in a letter to the paper and said he is seeking counseling for "recurring personal problems."
Landman, the metro editor, said that watching Blair self-destruct has been "brutal," and he wondered whether he should have held him back for more remedial work. "Can I go so far as to say that he wouldn't have done something horrible? Of course not."
By Joel at 1:20 PM
May 6, 2003
anyone who has ever tried to buy a pack of beer in pennsylvania know that they got their beer laws direct from nazi germany. there are no liquor stores, beer can only be sold in beer distributorships, beer distributors can only sell you a CASE!!!!!!, no beer sales on sunday....yadda, yadda, yadda.
i found this article today that suggests that pennsylvania's laws aren't going to change anytime soon. not surprisingly, greed and political favoritism has a lot to do with consumers getting shafted.
By Joel at 12:13 PM
May 2, 2003
a lot of beer snobs turn their noses up at lagers, preferring the more robust characteristics of ales (stouts, porters, bitters, etc.). personally i really like well-made lagers -- many of which come from either germany or the czech republic. One of my standbys is warsteiner. you can find both the "premium verum" - a blonde, or "premium dunkel" a darker beer, here in the US for not a lot of money. actually this brand usually costs as much as the vastly inferior bud or michelob.
By Joel at 6:35 PM
right wing hypocrites?....can't be.
it turns out bill bennett, a guy who has made a (lucrative) career out of preaching morality to the masses has himself had a big bad gambling addiction for a while now. the preacher of how the rest of us should live has lost beaucoup de fric in the casinos. all while championing the fake righteousness of the extreme religious right.
By Joel at 5:13 PM
May 1, 2003
somewhere between gandhi and pinochet...
i don't know if this nifty tool told me a whole lot about myself that i didn't know before, but it might help you describe your own politics and figure out how you compare to world leaders. i'm in the neighborhood of nelson mandela, gandhi and the dalai lama. not bad company, i guess. you can also see if your political views are more in line with gen. pinochet, stalin or margaret thatcher.
By Joel at 6:16 PM
another election to steal....
i keep hearing that dubya the boy emporer will have an easy time getting re-elected (or should i say re-unelected) in 2004. i just wonder if his democratic opponent will bother to point out that dubya might be the worst president since herbert hoover when it comes to the economy losing jobs.
By Joel at 3:25 PM