Humans can fly

Really, they can now. (I embedded this video, but you really should blow it up to full-screen.)


wingsuit base jumping from Ali on Vimeo.

The Super Bowl menu

We do it up right at our house. Yesterday's menu for the Super Bowl party we hosted (everything was homemade!):

- buffalo wings with homemade bleu cheese dipping sauce
- honey mustard wings
- grilled turkey sliders with homemade buns
- macaroni and cheese
- vegetarian chili
- chips with homemade guacamole
- bacon-wrapped roasted figs
- barbecued jerk shrimp
- baked french fried and sweet potato fries
- Steelers-themed (yellow and black) almond cookies

ESPN might take itself too seriously

A real news flash, I know.

Check out "The Onion."

The demented Spartan child

It's been a horrible season for Barcelona. They broke down and humiliated themselves, particularly as Real Madrid found themselves hoisting the hardware.

There has been one bright spot, however, the emerging greatness of Lionel Messi. Here is Phil Ball, the best English-language writer covering La Liga today (I know, I know), eloquently telling us why he named Messi to his Best XI:

Left midfield: Leo Messi (Barcelona)
He was picked for this spot last season, and although it's not strictly his position it's difficult to say exactly what Messi is - a phrase often used to describe the greats. Well - we know he's the best player in the world, with apologies to Ronaldo lovers, but he's not here for that reason. What has been most impressive about Messi this season has been his sheer will to win, his never-say-die attitude and the silent example he has provided to all around him, many of whom have seemed less than committed to the cause. At times he has run down cul-de-sacs, it's true, but only because there has been a lack of intelligent support. He's hardly had a bad game, and even when he came back from a serious injury, he was immediately running at players again like some sort of demented Spartan child, unacquainted with fear. Sorry to mix the metaphors, but he's also worked like a Trojan. Nice little bloke too, modest and without pretensions. You get the impression that he appreciates the privilege of being a professional footballer, particularly after what he went though as a child. He deserved better this season.

Graphic design hell

Ever wonder exactly why foreign soccer logos tend to look so much cooler than American sports team designs? Take for instance, Gretna F.C., a small Scottish soccer club:


This design isn't necessarily "pretty" or cutting edge in any way. But it is just so tough and intimidating and cool looking. I'd be proud to be fan of that team.

Now compare that to the Atlanta Thrashers, an NHL hockey team:

It's cartoonish and corporate! It looks like it was designed without any input from fans and is about as generic a team logo as you could ever come up with. I'm sure there's some graphic designer who puts this on his resume ever day, but I can't help but prefer Gretna's logo, even if it's not cutting edge in any way. I wonder how many other sports fans would agree with me.

Welcome to London

Check out this photo (via pitch invasion) of Swansea fans receiving a police escort on their way to match against Milwall in London. I guess they're guests of honor!

Wednesday footy links

There's been some great football coverage around the web lately. The NY Times usually doesn't get much past covering the World Cup and the occasional Red Bulls story, but they did a fine job with this article on Bayern Munich that delves into the financial peculiarities of playing in the Bundesliga. I wish more sports writers could do these kinds of stories that explain how the underlying business environment of a sport affects the action on the field.

I'm also a huge fan of ESPN's Phil Ball, who writes about La Liga for their website (he's also an author). The aptly-named Ball wrote a column this week about the Basque team Atletico Bilbao that really made me want to visit its home stadium.

The truly wonderful thing about Athletic is that the pre-match experience makes you feel that you're in some sort of sepia photograph, or in a Lowry painting. Unlike the modern tendency of clubs to re-locate to the urban margins, where the new stadium stands on the edge of an industrial estate or sleeps anonymously in the middle of a field, San Mamés is almost hidden by the blocks of flats and bars that surround it. It seems to grow out of the old urban structure, so that there is no disconnection whatsoever with the heart of the city itself.

You can't stop him, you can only hope to contain him

Find out one basketball coach's advice on how best to cover teen wolf.

Friday bag o' fun

- Uniwatch, a blog devoted to chronicling sports uniforms, is a pretty good site. I just wish they talked more about soccer uniforms rather than just baseball and football. Frankly, soccer unis are far more creative and radical anyway, with so many more teams and more incentive to change the design from year to year. There is a good story today about the use of swastikas on hockey jerseys in the 1920s (before the Nazis took the symbol for themselves, of course).

- Warren Buffett wants his own taxes raised. He points out that he pays almost half the marginal tax rate that his secretary pays, even though his income is far higher than hers.

- Get your capirinhas and bikini waxes ready, Brazil will host the 2014 World Cup. The South American country hasn't hosted the tournament since 1950, so expect this to be a legendary party. I think i'd give my left foot to go.

Good stuff for today...

- Dave's Football Blog, a fairly new blog about the various forms of football (American football, soccer, the assorted types of Rugby) is a great read. There's a good bit of sports history and some great commentary on various issues, such as the recent NFL game in London. (Hint: The NFL spun it as a huge success, while the typical fish-and-chips eating Limey was quite non-plussed.)

- Ever wanted to own a professional sports team? Who wouldn't. I'm seriously intrigued by MyFootballClub.com. It's essentially a UK-based ownership trust that anyone can join for about $70 and that pledges to buy a football club. The concept of shareholder-owners is rare in the U.S. (the Green Bay Packers being a major exception), but this is really interesting. So far the top choice of the shareholders is to acquire Leeds United, a once-proud club that has fallen on hard times and is now two leagues below the Premiership. (Hint: This would make an awesome Christmas gift for that football lover in you life. cough. cough.)

- Don Vito, a Philadelphia-bred character from a certain MTV show was convicted of sexual assualt. Apparently he didn't take it too well:

"You might as well kill me now," as well as, "I can't f---ing spend the rest of my life in jail," "you cops lied" and "you can rot in f---ing hell!"

Worth reading...

Here are some goodies around the web today:

• I don't follow MLS much, preferring to watch La Liga and the UEFA Champions League much more, but SI has a chat with MLS Commissioner Don Garber. In it, Garber proves what a complete fucking idiot he is. It scares me that the future of U.S. professional soccer is in his hands. He appears to loathe the sport itself and completely discounts the way it's organized and funded in every other country it's played in.
  
  
  
• Google is trying to get a bunch of software developers and social networking sites together to form a social networking "platform" that will take on Facebook. So far the NY Times mentions Salesforce, LinkedIn, Friendster (this still exists?), hi5, Oracle, etc. I kind of like this idea, in a way. The biggest problem I have with social networking sites is that they all feel too "flavor of the week." In other words, I wonder if two months after I sign up for one, all the cool kids will have found a new site to use, leaving the mouth-breathing masses behind. Some type of standard platform could conceivably allow, for example, LinkedIn users (business people, generally) to interact with Orkut users (Brazilians, generally). You get 15 or 20 smaller social networking sites to plug into a much larger universe and it might attract a lot of people who want flexiblity.
  
  
• Rocks, paper, scissors -- the ultimate game of chance has a governing body. Enjoy pretending that random luck involves strategy. Make sure you read up on the 27 ridiculous "gambits."
  

Put the game on and bring me my beer!

When you just want to go out with friends and have a few cocktails and socialize, a sports bar's tacky decor, hyperactive TVs and spilled-beer stink can ruin the fun. On the other hand, when you're a Philadelphia Eagles fan stuck in places like Providence, R.I. and Atlanta, Ga., a good Sunday sports bar is a must. This summary of what goes into creating the perfect sports bar is just sublime. (Hint: The sports bar in the picture is probably not the greatest sports bar ever. Just a guess.)

U.S National Team update

Since I know you're all dying for info and commentary on the U.S. soccer team's 4-1 victory over China yesterday, here ya go.

The All-Name Team

Because we at T-L hosted the World Cup of Team Names recently, I decided to formally announce the roster of the official Tomorrow-Land All-Name Team. Basically, only the strangest, coolest and creepiest-named footballers of all time were nominated. I know the sticklers out there (on the Internet? No!) will point out that some of the names are actually nicknames, but I did try to stick to names that are used on team rosters, jerseys and in news reports. Here we go:

Manager:
Wolfgang Wolf (Germany) Our boy Wolfie gets to coach the team after his run as manager of German team VFL Wolfsburg.

The players:
Bismarck (Brazil) When he plays against France, things do not go well.
Climax Lawrence (India) Forget pulling a Beckham and naming your children based on where they were conceived. Climax's parents named him after the exact moment.
Creedence Cleerwater (Brazil) I can't believe CCR has fans in Brazil, but apparently it is so.
Digital Takawira (Zimbabwe)
Danny Invincible (Australia)
Dean Windass (England) Before you make fun of Dean Windass, know that he was recently sent off the field for grabbing another player by the testicles during an altercation.
Energy Murambadoro (Zimbabwe)
Fred (Brazil) Not Juninho. Not Rivaldo. Not even Robinho. Just Fred.
Gilles Yapi-Yapo (Ivory Coast) Last summer during the World Cup, the Irish commentator Tommy Smyth introduced him as "the delightfully named Yapi-Yapo." Double-Y gets bonus points for playing his club football at Young Boys in Switzerland.
Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink (Netherlands) Like a character straight out of dungeons and dragons.
Johnny Vegas (Peru)
Joseph Désiré Job (France)
Kaka (Brazil) Sometimes the whole Brazilian nicknaming thing goes horribly wrong....
Mozart (Brazil) But then other times it's just completely cool.
Naughty Mokoena (South Africa)
Norman Conquest (Australia) The Conquests owed it to us to name their son Norman.
Nigel Reo-Coker (England) Sounds like someone who wears those yellow-tinted sunglasses and makes monthly trips to Medellin.
Ruud Gullit (Netherlands)
Socrates (Brazil) Possibly the most intelligent professional athlete ever. Was a medical doctor who also drank and smoked throughout his career. How can you not have him on your team?
Titi Camara (Guinea) Muscle cars and a crude reference to breasts. This man was born to play in New Jersey.

But now we have to select the team captain. Two names stood out so far above everyone else that they have to be considered separately:

Bongo Christ
(Congo)

vs.

Johnny Moustache
(Seychelles)

OK, I confess, that's not actually a picture of Johnny Moustache. I just thought a French art film poster better captured the essential nature of Mr. Moustache. He does indeed exist, though. (He played in at least one 2000 World Cup qualifier for that world power Seychelles.)

Anyway, this is a tough call. Johnny Moustache is a name that has a certain star appeal -- as in, he could very well be an adult film star. Meanwhile, Bongo Christ brings centuries of African musical tradition to the venerable Christ family. Oh that Bongo! He always was the second-most-talented cousin!

In the end, myself and Wolfgang Wolf of Wolfsburg gave the captain's armband to Bongo Christ. Not only does he share a familial connection to our lord and savior, but he could lay down a mean funk rhythm for Earth, Wind and Fire (which, now that I think about it, could be the name of Brazil's next big star).

The World Cup of Team Names

Yes, U.S. sports have their share of silly, caricatured professional sports team names (we're looking at you, Anaheim Mighty Ducks/Utah Jazz/Miami Heat). But you need to get on an international flight to find the truly weird, wacky and just plain creepy names of professional sporting teams. In turns out that he world's game - soccer - is where the real action is.

That's why Tomorrow-Land has decided to host the first ever World Cup of Team Names. The champion gets the irony-laden appreciation of sports fans everywhere.

Here are the clubs that "qualified" for the cup. (For you sticklers out there: I tried to stick to only top-level professional teams, but there may be some semi-professional and amateur teams mixed in.):

Arawak Cement Youth Milan (Bermuda) Milan's favorite Caribbean cement mixers
ASEC Mimosas (Ivory Coast) Goes great with a Sunday morning brunch
Ba FC (Fiji)
Bolton Wanderers F.C. (England)
Boys Town (Jamaica) One of many pedophilia-tinged team names
BSC Young Boys (Switzerland) See....
Buymore FC (Zimbabwe) This should definitely be an American club
CD Lota Schwager (Chile) I wonder if they give away free tchotchkes at every match
CD O'Higgins (Chile) A little taste o' Ireland... in Chile
Connah's Quay Nomads F.C. (Wales)
Churchill Brothers (India) Sounds like a department store
Club Blooming (Bolivia) Very pubescent....
Club Presidente Hayes (Paraguay) I love that our most obscure president has a cult following
Dandy Town Hornets (Bermuda)
Deportivo Moron (Uruguay) If Mike Judge knows what he's talking about, this will be the new Real Madrid
Don Bosco FC (Haiti) Sounds like a character from Carlito's Way
Eleven Arrows (Namibia)
Eleven Men in Flight (Swaziland) Just a crazy name. I don't know what to say. I love it.
FC Sheriff Tiraspol (Moldova) Opposing fans must love a certain Bob Marley song
FC Torpedo Kutaisi (Georgia)
FC Torpedo Zhodino (Belarus)
FC TPS Turku (Finland) Get me that TPS report by Friday!
Full Monty (Anguilla)
Go Ahead Eagles (Netherlands) This team is Dutch? What the hell?
Good Luck (Martinique)
Grasshopper (Switzerland)
Happy Valley AA (Hong Kong)
Hard Rock (Grenada) Their stadium sells the Keith Richards potato skins at every match
Heart of Lions (Ghana)
Heart of Midlothian F.C. (Scotland)
Hearts of Oak (Ghana) Probably the greatest of the "hearts" teams
Hello United (Cambodia) Sounds like Pokemon's favorite team
Island Care Wireless Showoffs (Bermuda) Because land lines are for pussies
Jam Boyz (Anguilla)
King Faisal Babes (Ghana) OK, What are the Saudi royals up to now?
KS Apolonia Fier (Albania) Founded by Prince's backup band. Known to wear assless chaps.
Lisburn Distillery F.C. (Northern Ireland) Always leads the league in liver spots
Missiles FC (Gabon)
Mito HollyHock (Japan)
Mizushima Red Adamant (Japan) They're very committed to being red
Moroka Swallows (South Africa) A dirty joke is in there somewhere....hmm......
MyPa-47 (Finland) Somebody still has a yahoo e-mail address. Lame!
Naughty Boys (Botswana) They like the dirty talk
NEWI Cefn Druids F.C. (Wales)
New Road Team (Nepal)
Newell's Old Boys (Argentina)
NK Hit Gorica (Slovenia) Leave Gorica alone!
No Pintcha (Cape Verde)
Ocean Boys (Nigeria)
Odd Grenland B.K. (Norway) Very odd, indeed
Old Bens SC (Sri Lanka) It's all about the old benjamins
Pamplemousses SC (Mauritius)
Police Jinja (Uganda)
Prisons XI (Botswana) My advice... just let them win. Trust me.
Racing Santander (Spain)
Real Salt Lake (United States)
Real Republicans (Sierra Leone) Lincoln Chaffee and Rudy Giuliani are not welcomed here
Real Tamale United (Ghana) Wait... in Ghana?
Red Berets FC (Kenya)
Red Sea FC (Eritrea) Aliteration!
Renown SC (Sri Lanka)
Rushden and Diamonds (England) Sounds like a rich club, but they're not.
Semen Padang (Indonesia) This can't be good....
Shamrock Rovers F.C. (Republic of Ireland)
Sheraton Hôtel (Djibouti) Last remaining professional team whose players aren't allowed to sleep with Paris Hilton.
Steve Biko FC (Gambia)
Suez Cement (Egypt) Go cement, go!
SV Victory Boys (Netherlands Antilles)
Tottenham Hotspur FC (England)
Township Rollers (Botswana) Theme song: "Saturday Night"
Thailand Tobacco Monopoly FC (Thailand) Why are our players always out of breath?
The Strongest (Bolivia) This name just rocks. I don't know what else to add.
Village Superstars (St. Kitt and Nevis)
Wikki Tourists F.C. (Nigeria) They're only here for the weekend. Edit your own damn entry.
Wongosport (Gabon)
Wonji Sugar (Egypt)
World Hope FC (Kenya) Another cutesy name. Awwwww.

And playing in the final championship match of the World Cup of Team Names, two clubs whose names are so diabolically awesome they couldn't be topped by anyone else:

Joe Public FC
(Trinidad and Tobago)

versus

Botswana Meat Commission FC
(Botswana)

Joe Public versus the Meat Commission. It's all very Upton Sinclair-esque. As much as I love a team named after the hypothetical sports-loving everyman, the winner this year has to be Botswana Meat Commission FC. While every other team at the tournament faced a bout of e. coli-induced vomiting from the substandard meat we served in the cafeteria, the BMC was able to stay on top of its game. Congratulations!

Getting ready for Barca v. Real Madrid

Barcelona is playing Real Madrid this weekend, in what might be the greatest rivalry in sports. (Sorry Red Sox fans, but nothing will eclipse the mutual hatred between Catalans and Madrilenos.) To get into the spirit of the game, I highly recommend reading the aptly-named Phil Ball, a sportswriter who writes about Spanish soccer. Ball writes for ESPN's Soccernet, and hardly needs a plug, but his stuff is so good that I couldn't resist.

Here's his column on the Sevilla derby between Sevilla and Real Betis. And if you're feeling charitable, I really want a copy of Ball's quintessential book about Spanish Soccer, Morbo.

Not all fans are created equal

As a resident of New England, I dread the start of each spring. It's not because of the lovely weather that's sure to arrive shortly, but because it's the start of the worst season of all: baseball season.

I know many genial, intelligent people who happen to be baseball fans. They tend to be swell people. Nevertheless, I can't imagine that there's a mass spectator sport with less ambience in the stadium. Basically, if you like stuffing your face with hot dogs and Budweiser for four hours (yes, it can take that long to play a baseball game), this is your sport.

So I couldn't help but enjoy seeing this photo taken from an Arizona Diamondbacks (baseball) game last season (from Deadspin). It's pretty much the epitome of the dorky, middle-class American sports fan (note the grown man on the right who wears his own baseball glove in the stands):

Now compare that picture with this one taken from the French soccer club OGC Nice's stadium. Which fan base looks more passionate and intense to you?


To give you a bit more context, here are some more shots of baseball fans:

Yankees fans (Are they watching the game? Are they even awake?)
Washington Nationals fans (Notice the complete lack of flags, banners, or even anyone standing)
An unidentified big league ballpark (Crowd is extremely relaxed. With convenient cup holders!)
Baseball "fans" actually knitting inside the stadium (The game is less exciting than knitting?)
Another die-hard fan playing Tetris during the game (Tetris is pretty great, though)

And here are some shots of soccer/football/futbol/calcio fans:

Bayern Munich fans (Could they be more focused on the action?)
Inter Milan fans (Is there a single fan sitting down?)
Polish football fans (This is as close to hell for visiting teams as you can get.)
Argentine fans get a little crazy (A real fan is willing to climb a 20-foot fence for his team.)
Olympique Marseille fans (The best possible use of highway flares.)

When your bookie has osteoparosis

A blog called West Side Slant brings us the latest in news from the senior citizen community:

Acting on an anonymous tip, armed agents raided the Lake Elsinore Elks Lodge and found an envelope containing $50.00, which was to be paid to the winner of an impromptu Monday Night Football pool. Margaret Hamblin, a 73 year-old great-grandmother, and 39 year-old volunteer waitress Cari Gardner both pleaded not guilty to misdemeanor charges of operating an illegal gambling operation.

I think the rule of thumb for judges should be something like, if your big gambling kingpin is 73-YEARS-OLD she's not much of a danger to society.

Garish sportswear proves popular in rural Africa

The NY Times has a story about what the NFL does with the t-shirts and hats that commemorate Super Bowl losers. Instead of selling them as ironic collectibles, they donate them to a charity that gives them to rural villagers in Africa.

“Where these items go, the people don’t have electricity or running water,” said Jeff Fields, a corporate relations officer for World Vision. “They wouldn’t know who won the Super Bowl. They wouldn’t even know about football.”

The gear is flown, along with school and medical supplies, into a major city. It is then driven to one of the villages where World Vision staff members work. They distribute the shirts and caps at a community center, about two per family.

I guess it's a nice gesture donating clothes, but you have to wonder how it's good that people are being exposed to this. It's not like these people are raving football fans. It's really one of the more bizarre forms that globalization takes on, but I'm not really so sure that exposing people to America's corporate entertainment is a good thing. Isn't there some local way for them to clothe themselves? Maybe a hat really just keeps the sun off your head, but it seems vaguely artificial and crass seeing African villagers walking around in Chicago Bears t-shirts.

Evidence of a Freemason-Redneck conspiracy

After such illustrious Nascar sponsors as Skoal, Copenhagen and Viagra, the illuminati-loving Scottish Rite of the Freemasons are now sponsoring a race car (of the type that only turns left). It turns out that the Masons were able to forego the usual multi-million dollar sponsorship fee in exchange for some mysterious promise of access to the secret society's members. Slate's reporter asked the race team's owner why he went with the Masons:

I called Joe Hill, head of public relations for Brian Conz's racing team, and asked him to explain how he expected to make up this missing money. What is the team getting from the Scottish Rite in lieu of all that cash? "We're aligning ourselves with a dynamic, worldwide organization. We expect access and introduction to their members, who will assist us in meeting executive-level corporate leaders interested in getting involved with racing." Presumably, these rich and important men (because there are no female Masons, after all) will prove useful in sponsoring race teams down the line.

In my opinion this proves the conspiracy!