Pretty much everywhere, it's gonna be hot

Watch this short clip. And then repeat numerous times. It only gets funnier.

Your favorite Huey Lewis album

I happened to be browsing IMDB the other day and stumbled across this fucking gem of a quote from "American Psycho." If you dont' find this funny, then I don't think I'll ever be able to relate to you....

Patrick Bateman: Do you like Huey Lewis and the news?
Paul Allen: They're OK.
Patrick Bateman: Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercial and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humour.
Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram.
Patrick Bateman: Yes, Allen?
Paul Allen: Why are their copies of the style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something?
Patrick Bateman: No, Allen.
Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat?
Patrick Bateman: Yes it is! In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.
[raises axe above head]
Patrick Bateman: Hey Paul!
[he bashes Allen in the head with the axe, and blood splatters over him]
Patrick Bateman: TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!

Colbert's new column

Stephen Colbert writes a guest column for Maureen Dowd. Hilarity ensues.

You can't stop him, you can only hope to contain him

Find out one basketball coach's advice on how best to cover teen wolf.

PINKEYE... the silent annoyer

The Onion has a bunch of hilarious magazine covers. Enjoy them here.

This is why the terrorists hate us

Sometimes we stumble upon a website that at first seems to be an elaborate practical joke. Then we realize there really are retards who ascribe to the website's sociopathic worldview. This is one of those sites.

The day Rove left and never came back

This Onion article about Karl Rove leaving the Bush White House is just classic.

While sneaking the departing official out to a waiting town car, Secret Service agents were briefly able to deceive Bush by telling him Rove was just running down to the cellar to get him some ice cream. But when Bush heard the car's engine start in the driveway, he burst outside to stop Rove.

"I'll never forget the sight of the president, watching Rove's face in the back window becoming smaller and smaller as the car pulled away forever," Rice said.

The beauty of beauty pageants

Explanation for Minnesota bridge collapse

I stumbled upon this 2005 Onion parody that (creepily) explains why the bridge might have collapsed over Minnesota last week.

The world's best gallon of milk

You know what I'm talking about, right? None other than Amazon's most special Tuscan milk. And it's not even from Tuscany!

The perfect open letter...

The open letter is a tough act to pull off. Mostly they just come off as sanctimonious and preening. This is a few years old now, but check out David Cross's open letter to Larry The Cable Guy. That, kids, is how you bitchslap someone.

The hilarious lawsuit against "Family Guy"

Of all people who you think might understand the concept of satire, Carol Burnett seems to have forgotten just how funny parody can be. Oh, and she may have also forgotten that parody is protected as fair use under U.S. copyright law.

Comedian Carol Burnett has filed a copyright infringement suit against the makers of Fox TV's cartoon sitcom "Family Guy" over an episode poking fun at the performer and her variety show from the 1960s and '70s.

The episode in question refers to Burnett by name as working as a part-time janitor, and depicts her "charwoman" character -- complete with trademark blue bonnet and mop bucket -- cleaning the floor of a pornography shop, the suit says.

Another character then makes a vulgar reference to the signature ear tug used by Burnett at the close of her variety show each week, according to the lawsuit.

Reuters is reporting that the suit is asking for $2 million in damages from the show's producers. Meanwhile Burnett, whose own show often parodied famous people, sure has some thin skin when she's the butt of jokes:

Burnett and her company have urged Fox to reedit the "Family Guy" episode to remove any reference her, but the studio has so far refused, the suit said.