show the bird who's boss...
you know you need a recipe for turducken. for those not in the know, that's a chicken cooked inside a duck cooked inside a turkey. yummm.
a presentable young man with an engaging smile...
that's how the u.s. and british governments viewed saddam hussein when he came to power. oh, and the US knew all along that he was using chemical weapons against the iranians. they seemed OK with it then.
what NOT to get me for christmas...
i don't think i need this piece of crap. it's a tool used to put limes in corona bottles. uggh.
what's on your beer's label?....
you may not have noticed this, but beer labels contain almost no information about the product contents. it's long been a special exemption granted by the u.s. goverment that allows brewers not to list alcohol content and nutritional info. on the labels. that may be changing now. i hope they do change this. consumers deserve to know what they're drinking. despite claims by the "Big 3" brewers (Anheuser-Busch, Miller and Coors), their products have a fair amount of "adjuncts" in them, especially corn and rice. not exactly the finest ingredients for brewing a quality product.
songs to prevent me from gouging out my eyeballs...
check out this handy site for unusual mixtapes. who doesn't love mixtapes?
the perils of photoshop...
it turns out that it's not so simple to just erase someone from a photograph.
"I hate everything about them, their uniforms, the ugly star on their helmet, their cheerleaders".....
that's about what it's like to be an eagles fan and hate the dallas cowboys.
it's not about oliver stone...
i'm now fully convinced that lee harvey oswald never acted alone. i'm sorry, but anyone who spends five minutes reading about the assassination will learn that there was at least SOME kind of conspiracy. i'm partial to the theory that oswald and ruby were both essentially dupes for kennedy's mafia enemies who wanted a different cuba policy - one that would resume gambling on the island.
another theory, of course, is much more government-centered. those theories tend to rely more on the CIA and other government insiders like LBJ who wanted kennedy gone. read up. you'll be glad.
if pork were a fuel...
want to know where your tax money is going? you won't like it. i can't believe i just linked to the weekly standard. well, there's a first for everything.
"In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king. And in this school system, the lobotomized child is the valedictorian"...
i found this to be hilarious. it's obviously written by a very frustrated high school history teacher.
culture wars gone nuclear...
slate has an interesting breakdown on why religious people are against gay marriage. it's a quickie read.
beer under the microscope...
only at Florida State University would researchers actually take microscopic shots of beers from around the world. it's actually really cool looking. check it out here.
just say no to co2....
here's a good article in men's journal about why cask beer is so so so much better than its less traditional counterparts. basically, cask ale is the traditional english serving style where the barman pumps beer out of a steel cask. no gas is used and a lot more flavor is left because it isn't pasteurized or carbonated. much better.
don't count the general out...
ruy texeira, a well-respected political strategist, say's wesley clark is still the man to win the democratic nomination. the reason? electability, electability, electability.
mob towns...
think "La Cosa Nostra" is only in new york? think again, grasshopper. i found this handy listing of the mafia's 26 families. cleveland, tampa, kansas city and denver have actually been wiseguy hotbeds for decades. who knew?
regime change...
next time someone tells you we needed to go to Iraq to free the people from the evil grip of saddam, ask them if it's really worth this.
what not to bid on...
i didn't know people still sold those crappy beany babies. apparently this guy is getting revenge by selling off his ex-wife's collection. read the whole auction. it gets funnier and funnier.
journalism 101....
make sure you get the right person when you out their criminal history through the media. i guess msnbc din't pay attention that day.
the day after...
all this terrorism is making me nostalgic for the cold war. here's a government map of where nuclear warheads would most likely hit Rhode Island.
one more reason not to live in southern california...
you may have heard that wildfires are pretty much all over southern cali right now. check out how eerie it looks in San Diego.
the gravy train of strained english...
that's how DubyaSpeak.com describe's the president's public speaking. this site first got big during his campaign, but give the man a few years and a lot of linguistic car wrecks can happen.
anyway, here are the top 10 dubya quotes from the editors of dubyaspeak.com:
10. "I've been to war. I've raised twins. If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war."
9. "I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well."
8. "You teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
7. "No, I know all the war rhetoric, but it's all aimed at achieving peace."
6. "My mom often used to say, 'The trouble with W' -- although she didn't put that to words."
5. "In 1994, there were 67 schools in Texas that were rated 'exemplorary' according to our own tests."
4. "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe -- I believe what I believe is right."
3. "Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease."
2. "I understand small business growth. I was one."
1. "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.
adios wal-mart....
i hate this store. it was with much glee that i read today's story that hundreds of illegal aliens working at wal-marts around the country were arrested today. now, i do fee sorry for the workers. this is a nation built on immigrants and the notion of "illegals" seemed only to come up once the newcomers weren't white. anyway....
the real gist of today's post is that wal-mart must be the greatest public leach in u.s. history. it's super ironic that a store catering to middle-american rednecks who bask themselves in anti-immigrant rhetoric is also the company that gives their jobs to illegals. and what does it tell you when the world's largest retail chain doesn't even hire its own janitorial workers -- they're technically outside contractors.
i hope the entire walton family, who seem to make up a good chunk of those "america's 100 richest people" lists get forced to do community service -- maybe something like the patrolling the rio grande border for $25,000 a year.
and another thought...who do you think pays for healthcare for the vast majority of wal-mart's employees? most are uninsured and every time one of them has a slip and fall in the leisurewear section, they're probably headed to the city/county hospital for us taxpayers to foot the bill. argh.
a group hug?....
everyone has dark, nasty little secrets, and this is the place to find out what they actually are. people just anonymously spill their guts about the bad things they've done or wanted to do. unrequited love and cheating on lovers seem to be especially popular. it does get better than that, though. favorites include "i enjoy sniffing random bicycle seats" and the much-darker "i keep having unprotected sex and am afraid to get tested because i might have hiv." like, whoa.
beer goggles...
for those of you (i'm thinking, of the female persuasion) who don't know what beer goggles are all about, this little presentation sums it up nicely. men ARE dogs, huh?
i'm deano...
this quiz poses the eternal question, Which Rat Pack Member Are You? it told me my personality resembles that of dean martin. i'm flattered.
wild child....
don't tell me you aren't at least a little interested in a historical list of children raised by wolves, dogs and even a chimp.
the audio-animatronic candidate...
that's what frank rich calls arnold schwarzenegger in maybe the greatest writing yet on his candidacy. it's depressing to think that anyone would vote for such a hollow candidate -- liberal, conservative or whatever. can we cut california loose, yet?
rush limbaugh don't know football...
you may know that espn hired dittohead limbaugh to offer commentary on its sunday morning NFL pregame show. too bad. he brings nothing. not only did he predict that the lowly dallas texans would beat the k.c. chiefs in week 2 (what was he smoking?), but he suggested that philadephia eagles q.b. donovan mcnabb is overrated and a token black playing the quarterback position.
surriously. i hope mcnabb punches him in the face. i'd pay to see that.
do you know any slow or special people
do you know any slow or special people
do you know any slow or special people
do you know any slow or special people
do you know any slow or special people
do you know any slow or special people.....
i wanna go to hawaii, yeah!
you may need this recipe....
ok. i doubt you'll ever be in prison but if you get caught up in the fast life, you need to learn to adapt to prison life. remember, there's only way to get your drink on behind bars -- pruno. it's a sick fermented drink made from sugar, fruit, ketchup and bread rolls. yumm.
bling-blang....
i love fall from grace stories. this one is great. it's about a bigtime stylist who was pawning million dollar jewelry loaned to him by harry winston etc.
stringers and superstringers...
the insider dynamics of the ny times have always been interesting and tumultuous. (i highly recommend a.e. rosenthal's autobiography, btw). anyway, the village voice has a story about bylines that talk a bit about how staff writers don't really do most of their own reporting.
let them watch fox news...
you know things ain't going well in iraq, or "Mess-o-potamia" as the daily show calls it, when you start reading things like this.
let them watch fox news...
you know things ain't going well in iraq, or "Mess-o-potamia" as the daily show calls it, when you start reading things like this.
say hello to my little friend...
i didn't even realize that the great al pacino remake of "scarface" got bad reviews and initially flopped at the box office. it may be my top movie of all time, up there with "carlito's way" (way way way underrated), "casablanca" (saw this in the theater and it blew me away), "training day" and "the exorcist."
i may have to blog more about films....so don't sleep.
free tibet...
remember the catchy late-90s trendy political movement? well the ny times had this story today about how the chinese are basically trying to turn tibet into a chinese colony. guess how they want to do it? by moving in millions of ethnic chinese, which undermines the indigenous culture of tibet.
by the way, the movie "kundun," is a great film on the subject.
death by "mysterious ways"....
this is from fareed zakaria's excellent column on msnbc. here's iraq's sordid history in the last century:
IRAQ HAS ONE of the most violent histories of any country on the globe. In comparison even with other states in the Middle East, Iraq’s modern history has been marked by turmoil, coups, bloodshed and mayhem. Consider the fate of its rulers:
Faisal I: Installed by the British in the wake of a violent revolt, he ruled for 10 years and was one of a handful of Iraqi leaders to die of natural causes, in 1933.
Ghazi I: Faisal’s son, he witnessed a coup against his prime minister three years after being installed and then, in 1939, died mysteriously. The official explanation was that he drove his car into a lamppost.
Faisal II: The young king, his regent and almost the entire royal family and entourage were killed in a bloody coup in 1958.
Abdul Karim Qassem: Qassem came to power in the coup of 1958. In 1963 he was killed in a coup himself.
Abdul Salam Arif: Arif came to power in the 1963 coup, which unleashed a wave of massacres across the country. Three years later he died mysteriously in a helicopter accident.
Abdul Rahman Arif: Brother of the above, he lasted about as long. In July 1968 he was ousted in the Baathist coup and exiled to Istanbul.
Ahmed Hasan-al-Bakr: Became president after the 1968 coup and stayed in power until 1979, when he stepped down for reasons of “ill health” in favor of his deputy, Saddam Hussein.
maybe he's not so crazy...
christopher hitchens has notably gone off the deep end recently, but once in a while he still puts out something as worthwhile as this. while i'll admit that bama redneck judge roy moore is an easy target, this article gets to its point nicely.
belief-o-matic...
beliefnet (actually a pretty well-done web site) has a new feature called belief o-matic, which actually tells you what religion or belief you have by analyzing answers to 20 questions.
i like its disclaimer: "Warning: Belief-O-Matic™ assumes no legal liability for the ultimate fate of your soul."
some li'l rhody slang....
don't know exactly who wrote this little dictionary of rhode island-ese, but here goes:
ACI
The Adult Correctional Institute. It's located in Cveaanstin. People are
always either being remanded to it or escaping from it.
Antnee, Bvenda, Richit, Shevl
Names for children in Rhode Island's Italian-American neighborhoods.
Beah
An alcoholic beverage.
Bubbla
Drinking fountain. The word is apparently also used in parts of the upper
Midwest and Australia. We've read in a couple of places that the usage may
be related to the Wisconsin-based manufacturer, Kohler, which marketed a
fountain under the Bubbler name around 1914.
Cabinet
A drink made from milk, flavored syrup, and ice cream. In other parts of
the country it's called a milk shake or a frappe. A liberal interpretation
of the entry for cabinet in the Oxford English Dictionary might suggest
that the term originated from the English Newcastle or cabinet pudding, "a
pudding made of bread or cake, dried fruit, eggs and milk, usually served
hot with a sauce." Or it might not.
Camavo
A member of the holy muscle car trinity, along with the Firebird and the
Iroc. Popular with mullet-headed men who have girlfriends named Shevl and
who wear black t-shirts with the sleeves cut off.
Chariho
A district made up of the towns of Charlestown, Richmond, and Hopkinton.
Chourico
Pronounced shuh-reese. A smoked Portuguese sausage that is dense and
spicy. There's also Linguica (leeng-gwee-sa), which is less spicy, as it's
made with less chili pepper.
Cveaanstin
The municipality south of Providence and north of Warrik.
De boatayuz
More than one, less than three.
De klenzaz
The local dry-cleaning establishment.
Downsella
Where you keep that treadmill that you used for about a week back in '93.
Eas' (or Wes') Grennich
Witches may live there, but they're not pronounced.
Fuggeddaboudit!
Literally "forget about it," this phrase can mean anything from "yes" to
"no" and everything in between, depending upon context and inflection.
Donnie Brasco (as played by Johnny Depp), in the film by the same name,
explains some of the subtleties:
"Forget about it" is like if you agree with someone, you know, like
"Raquel Welsh is one great piece of ass, forget about it." But then, if
you disagree, like, "A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about
it!" you know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing
in the world, like Mingrio's Peppers, "forget about it." But it's also
like saying "Go to hell!" too. Like, you know, like, "Hey Paulie, you got
a one inch pecker?" and Paulie says, "Forget about it!" Sometimes it just
means forget about it.
Gagga
Otherwise known as a destroyer, bellybuster, or hot weiner. A small hot
dog with a natural casing, slathered in mustard, meat sauce, chopped
onions, and celery salt, and served in a steamed bun.
God
v. 1. To protect from harm; watch over. 2. To watch over to prevent
escape. 3. To keep watch at (a door or gate). 4. To take precautions: god
against infection. --n. 1. One that gods. 2. Watchful care: under close
god. 3. Defensive posture or stance. 4. Football. One of the two players
on either side of the center. 5. Basketball. Either of the two players
stationed near the middle of the court. 6. A device that prevents injury,
damage, or loss. (American Heritage Dictionary, sort of)
Gravy
In most places, you would get whiplash trying to get a good look at the
person you overheard asking for more gravy for their paster. In Rhode
island they're just asking for more tomato sauce. According to Bartlett's
Dictionary of Americanisms, it has also been used to denote the filling in
a pie.
Grinda
Otherwise known as a hoagie, po' boy, or sub. It's a sangwidge.
Hot
The thing in your chest that pumps blood and keeps you alive.
Idear
All those dropped Rs have to go somewhere. They end up tacked onto the
ends of words ending in "A," like idear, bananner, paster, and vaniller.
Jeet?
Have you eaten yet? The appropriate response (assuming you haven't eaten)
is "No, joo?"
Jimmies
A liberal sprinkling of these can brighten up a dull, dreary ice cream
cone. We hear they're also called Ants in the Woonsocket area.
Lore
Don't break it or they'll put you in the ACI.
NiRoPe
Usually heard as part of the phrase, "NiRoPe Pricing," the word comes from
the names of the three Cardi Brothers, Nick, Ron, and Pete, whose
furniture store commercials are ubiquitous on Southern New England
television and radio stations.
No school Fosta-Glosta
A catchphrase (much like "Whatchootalkin'boutWillis?"), uttered by
much-beloved media personality Salty Brine during winter snow-day reports.
Foster and Glocester are two abutting communities in the northwest of the
state that are completely snowbound during months containing an "r." Salty
always lumped the two together when making no-school announcements; most
Rhode Islanders believe there's a town out there called Fosta-Glosta.
Salty's been gone from the radio for a few years now, but the phrase
refuses to die. A sure way to find out if someone is lying about having
spent time in the state (as though one would), is to challenge him with
the phrase "No school..." A real Rhode Islander knows the rest.
No suh!
I believe you are pulling my leg, my friend.
On Special
On sale.
Packy
Short for package store, which is what they call liquor stores around
here. In Rhode Island, they're not open on Sundays.
Please?
This is not a plea for more porridge, but a polite way of saying, "What
the hell did you just say?"
Potty
A celebration.
PSDS
What you hang earrings from. Think about it.
P'tuckit
The municipality north of Providence and south of Attleboro.
Quahog
A kind of ocean clam, or bivalve mollusk, found in the waters of the North
Atlantic. They come in two varieties: Arctica islandica, the ocean quahog;
and Mercenaria mercenaria, the bay quahog. They make handy ashtrays.
The common name, poquaûhock, is taken from the languages of the
Narragansett and Wampanoag Indians, and it's thought that today's
pronunciation can be traced to those origins. The Narragansetts, from the
west side of Narragansett Bay, probably pronounced the word "po-kwa-hok."
Today's western Rhode Islanders thus pronounce it "kwa-hog." The
Wampanoags of the East Bay called it "po-ko-hok," and today, eastern Rhode
Islanders likewise say "ko-hog."
Rhode Island handshake
A little extra gratuity for services rendered.
Sangwidge
A meal served between two pieces of bread. Also Sammich.
Saugy
A particular brand of hot dog, made with natural casings, that cuts loose
with a distinctive "snap" when bitten into.
Side by each
You'll hear this one mainly around Woonsocket. It comes from the French
"côté par chacun" and would be translated by most people as "side by
side." Other Woonsocketisms include the use of double pronouns, as in,
"I'm going to the supermarket, me," and the misplacement of phrases or
modifiers, as in, "Throw me down the stairs my bag," or "Drive slow your
car."
South County
A mythical area that roughly includes Washington and Kent Counties.
Stuffie
Clam stuffing baked in a clam shell. Also known as a stuffed clam.
David Steinbrick, a producer at Cox Communications, sent us this tidbit:
"Over the years, I have heard the best way to describe a 'stuffie' to an
outsider. A stuffie is 'a clam meatloaf in an ashtray.' Succinct and to
the point. Except the non-native may wonder why we cook food in ashtrays."
Wikkit
An intensifier that's interchangeable with "very," as in, "We was drivin'
wikkit fast." Also used to mean "extremely good" or "spectacular," as in,
"Them forttajuly fyahworks was wikkit!"
Warrik
The municipality south of Cveaanstin and north of Eas' Grennich.
that annoying oreck guy as seen on TV...
apparently oreck vacuums are pretty much crap- 95% marketing and 5% product. anyway, check out this funny vacuum comparison from slate.
bermuda of the north...
i was googling around the net a bit tonight and found this little bio of mv. yankee, a former block island ferry that lived a long and interesting life. anyway, block island is a little island 30 or so miles off the coast of l'il rhody.
the mind of a suicide bomber...
fareed zakaria, an excellent columnist for newsweek and msnbc, does a little explaining of what drives a person to strap a bomb to their chest. it's a well-reasoned look at the problem that goes way beyond dubya's lame rhetoric. zakaria has written some other damn good columns, so check up on him often.
ever get the feeling you're being googled?......
yes, google transformed the internet and spawned its own verb, but there's a new kid on the block. apparently teoma is the new big thing on the web. word on the street is that it will be a household name before long. better design and better ability to REALLY get what you want means teoma could be the search engine of the future.
when in doubt, deregulate...
that might as well be the mantra of the dubya white house. pretty much any problem can be solved by turning over public assets to his list of preferred companies (see: halliburton, enron, etc.). anyway, paul krugman explains today just how these idiots cut out the lights. it makes sense. if for-profit power companies aren't responsible for maintaining the transmission systems, these blackouts are bound to happen again.
beer of the week...
i haven't done this in a while, but i felt the need to recognize a certain excellent micro-brew, specifically Smuttynose Brewing Co.'s Shoal's Pale Ale. i had heard that it one top prize as best American beer at the highly esteemed great british beer fest, so it's starting to get some real attention.
this new hampshire beer is well-balanced with some real hop kick to it. a very good pale ale.
the dark age begins...
well i didn't have to go without electricity last night, but, uh, a few million north americans did. it took only hours for dubya to co-opt the event for his own good by claiming that he's been fighting to modernize the country's electrical system all along, which is pure crap.
anyway, take it from a guy who knows a lot more than me about electrical de-regulation. it seems that niagara mohawk over in upstate new york might have some splainin to do before this is all over.
college drop-outs...
is there any insitution less democratic and more outdated than the electoral college? just ask al gore and those guys who ran against rutherford b. hayes and (i think) william harrison who both won the electoral college despite losing the popular vote. sound familiar?
anyway, my problem with it is that it basically invalidates your vote if you're a, say, democrat in south carolina or a republican in maryland.
and it doesn't really force politicians to campaign in rural areas, either. instead it focuses campaigning on a few select battleground states (think florida).
wouldn't a better system be to either use a winner-take-all system in each congressional district (basically localizing the E.C.) or use a simple popular vote or use a nifty new formula such as a ranking by preference (where each voters ranks the candidates in order of preference and points are awarded based on how high a person ranks on each voter's ballot.
here and here are some links to various arguments relating to abolishing the E.C.
feather boas and ak-47s....
apparently that's what Liberian guerillas like to wear on the battlefield. could a war be any more bizarre than this? you gotta read up.
it's turkey time. gobble, gobble.....
i just couldn't help it. it's friday and i feel like spreading the word about the new ben affleck/J. Lo flick "gigli." so i decided that the best way to do that was to include some excerpts from the movie's reviews...
from the ny times --
"In one scene Ricki takes on a group of ill-mannered ruffians who are making noise at a taco stand. Larry wants to beat them up, but she takes a more refined approach, sauntering over in her short denim skirt and lecturing them on their "people skills." She also threatens the apparent ringleader with a baroque martial-arts torture, which involves gouging out the eyes and also removing that part of the brain that stores visual information, so that the victim will not only be blind, but will also lose all memory of what he has seen. Having seen "Gigli," I must say that the idea has a certain appeal."
from the washington post's stephen hunter...
"Ben and Jen? After seeing "Gigli," I think Ben and Jerry could make a better movie. "Gigli" is certainly bereft of low pleasures: It's both giggle-free and jiggle-free. Worse, it's enervated, torpid, slack, dreary and, oh yes, nasty, brutish and long."
from the onion A.V. club....
"the film has all the charge and momentum of a Paxil ad. In what passes for chemistry, Lopez smirks while Affleck yells in a voice borrowed from early John Travolta roles. He delivers a monologue about how every relationship has a bull and a cow. She counters his bluster with quotes from Sun Tzu, though the film lets her killing skills, like her sexuality, remain mostly a matter of hearsay"
fear and aggression,
according to a recent study on why people are psychologically oriented toward right wing ideology, researchers found that fear, aggression, willingness to believe in dogma, acceptance of inequality, resistance to change and fear of terror are all factors that might lead you down the road of conservatism. pretty much all describe dubya, don't they?
when i grow up...
no this isn't a rumination on my fear of aging. i'm just thinking about what i would like to do for a living in some bizarro-world scenario.
here are my top choices. post your own and explain why.
1. firefighter. you get to break peoples' doors down with an axe, slide down a pole instead of taking the stairs and generally be a hero everywhere you go (thanks osama). perks include: taking your dog to work and driving just the back end of the ladder truck.
2. train engineer. trains just kick ass. ever seen footage of one in a head-on collision with some redneck's pickup truck that stalled out on the tracks? need i say more? heavy metal, baby. heavy metal. perks include: not having to steer and free travel miles -- lots and lots and lots of them.
3. pharmacist. you're like a doctor, but without all the medical school loans and "ethics panels" to please. everyone loves to make conversation with pharmacists. you're the life of the party when you know exactly how to make the right combination of muscle relaxant, horse tranquilizer and anti-depressant. perks: cure your ailments with homemade recipes. better living through chemistry, huh.
and if you still can't find your dream job, there are still openings in cowboy school. giddyup.
come on be my baby tonight...
those are, of course, the famous lyrics from the song written by the mulit-talented david of real world-new orleans. that show has given us some great moments, huh? i think david might have even topped himself when he sang "be my baby tonight" live on the dave chappelle show. anyway, here are some great real world moments compiled by the sports guy, a columnist for espn.com.
Where does Adam from "Real World Paris" rank on the Unintentional Comedy Scale when he starts rapping? Is it possible that he beat out David from New Orleans for Most Hilarious Musical Performance on a Reality Show? It seems like a record we would never see broken, but here we are witnessing history. --Ken Sandak, Connecticut
Wait a second ... let's not get carried away. David unleashing that "Skeedopple beedopple bee" song on an unsuspecting nation was like Wilt Chamberlain scoring 100 points in a game -- nobody will ever approach it. But Adam's rapping still ranks a solid 96 on the UCR Scale; it isn't just the singing, it's lyrics like "I will not hide my family pride" that really pushes it over the top.
I have no problem sticking him into the Pantheon of Real World Moments, which includes:
David's girlfriend dumping him in a car ("RW: Seattle"). I don't think I've ever enjoyed a breakup more, from David screaming "You're killing me, Kira! You're killing me!!!!!!!!" to him in the confessional, looking into the camera and crying, "You want the real world, this is it, right here!" That's always a fun line to break out at parties.
Stephen slapping Irene ("RW: Seattle"). This becomes more and more astounding as the years pass -- they actually let him stay in the house after this. And he whacked her!
David punctuating a put-down of Beth with "That's why you have those big hairy pimples on your face!" ("RW: Los Angeles"). Probably the most horrible thing ever said on any television program, ever.
Pedro screaming at Puck about eating his peanut butter ("RW: San Fran"). There was a time when I could rattle off Pedro's entire, incoherent speech. Needless to say, I was unemployed and living at home at the time.
Tammy getting an abortion because the father didn't make enough money ("RW: Los Angeles"). And she ended up marrying (and divorcing) Kenny Anderson two years later. High comedy.
The first time Amaya referred to her breasts as "The Twins" ("RW: Hawaii").
The threesome in the shower ("RW: Miami"). A watershed moment for the show -- the night the lightbulb finally went off for the producers, when they realized, "Hey, it doesn't hurt to have a couple of bimbos on the show."
Steven nearly kicking Brynn out of the house ("RW: Vegas"). An emotional rollercoaster from start to finish. Bonus points for Steven's classic quote after the house meeting, "I thought I made some really amazing points."
(And if I forgot anything ... forgive me.)
apocalypse now...
the book of revelations is now getting some serious exposure with the ultra-fundamentalist "left behind" series of novels. if you're into the theology of the apocalypse or want to learn a bit about the rift between fundamentalists and catholics, check this out. it's a debate between a former fundamentalist-turned catholic theologian and the author of the "left behind" books, who is a hard-core fundamentalist himself. some good stuff there.
shut up little man...
i've had some bad next door neighbors, but apparently pete and raymond have become cult legends with the infamous "shut up little man" album. they're two belligerent alcoholics who were tape-recorded by their next door neighbors in the lower haight in san francisco. i might just have order the cd.
asians are the new jews?.....
this great story in slate really got me thinking about ethnicity and the nature of meritocracy. the article itself makes the thesis that asians are overtaking jews at the #1 position in america's meritocracy.
there also seems to be this huge link between ethnicity and how we react to that meritocracy. i think therein lies an answer to the question "why so few italo-american intellectuals?" we're no less intelligent than any other group, but we RESPOND differently and strive for different things than jews and asians tend to.
my next vacation...
i need to convince di to go to belgium with me. i really really need to. for a beer lover, it's like making your hajj to mecca. although not as well known for their beers as the germans, english or irish, they have a long, long, long history of brewing -- starting with none other than trappist monks (now THAT'S my kind of organized religion).
anyway, i found this list of belgian pubs to visit. notice that the first pub has 1,080 different beers.
hey rumsfeld, war IS hell...
i found this letter posted on altercation, another good blog on msnbc.com.
It's from the cousin of a G.I. who just got back from iraq.
Eric,
This weekend I finally had a chance to catch up with my cousin in-law who just got back from Iraq last week. Twenty years old he is now a different person than when he left and not in a good way. His pictures tell the story. The first few rolls are of him and his buddies clowning around and striking posses with their various weapons in Kuwait.
It looks like a regular old NRA wet dream, young boys and guns. The sad thing about the pictures is how young they look. When you see the Marines on TV in full combat gear they look very menacing, but strip them down to t-shirts and baseball hats and you see what the kids that they really are.
The pictures at first almost made it look like a good time. There was regular college hijinx going on. It was Frat Row Baghdad style. In the latter rolls the mood started to change. You never saw any of them without helmets or vests on.
He told me the night they rode into Baghdad was the scariest night of his life. The vacation was over and the shooting began. An RPG scorched the hood of his Humvee. They felt the heat in the cab. He estimated that he was 1-2 feet away from being blown to pieces. Which is a lot better than one of his friends fared.
Last he saw that guy all they could find was the body and a bunch of brains sprayed all over the inside of a truck, no face or head left. He also fared better than the family he watched get killed. His unit emptied their weapons into a home when they took fire. He watched as a four year old was, in his words, “vaporized.”
After looking at about three rolls of film I asked him where the rest were. (He took 12 in all). He told me that he threw them away. Everything that happened after the first three rolls he wants to forget. He said he looked at them once and wanted to vomit.
Do you really need the Kodak version of a scene that is already burned into your mind? The biggest tragedy of all is that his belief in America has been shattered. He went over there idealistic. He was protecting US and freeing the citizens of Iraq. Now he just feels used. “It was all a f**king waste,” he told me without emotion. And he is one of the lucky ones; he is home.
what really matters in life...
i found this in some random corner of this world wide web.
"A professor stood before his Philosophy 101 class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the golf
balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous - - yes.
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things -your family, your partner, your health, your children, your friends, your favorite passions - - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else- -the small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things at are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. Play another 18.
There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal." "Take care of the golf balls first - - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers.'"
there go my vacation plans...
it turns out hunting for bambi was a hoax. pretty funny cuz at least a few of the local tv channels in las vegas had bit on the story. even funnier was fox news blowhard bill o'reilly spending 20 minutes arguing with the supposed proprieter of the whole shady affair. funny.
sushi wars...
apparently japanese sushi chefs in DC are peeved that koreans are opening up their own sushi restaurants.
i can understand that. instead of traditional recipes, i'm sure they'll "americanize" their sushi -- we'll probably be seeing "hamburger rolls" (with ketchup instead of wasabi) pretty soon.
reminds me of how pizza has become so commodified. and it's not just the big chains like dominos and pizza hut that have destroyed quality pizza- it's the greeks. seriously, pretty much anytime you hear the pizza chefs speaking greek, run like the wind.
news you can use...
if found this little page today on the new york times' website. apparently they monitor which stories are the most popular on a daily basis. i don't know if the link will always work, but it might be worth bookmarking.
it's the economy, stupid...
ok, that's an old line. but dubya's team does love to play hide and seek with evidence that their economic policies might not do so well. the worst part of this story: bush's team tried to prevent increases in the "adverse effect wage rate," which is a minimum wage paid to farm workers here on H-2 visas. the move took money from farm workers and gave it to rich fat-cat agri-business (which of course gives a portion of that money back to dubya's re-elect campaign). still think there wasn't any difference between gore and bush?
we report, we already decided...
this doonesbury cartoon neatly sums up why liberal viewpoints so often get trampled in our culture.....because they do it to themselves. because liberals feel a need to be inclusive and, well, liberal, they're sometimes too accepting of even the nuttiest of ideas and idealogies. it reminds me of a headline from The Onion: "ACLU Defends Neo-Nazis' right to burn down ACLU headquarters."
beer of the day...
stroh's is one of the original cheap-o "old man" beers. it only costs like 3 bucks for a six-pack....and it actually tastes good. it's an easy-drinking beer perfect for hot weather, say at the beach where those expensive bottles of microbrew aren't worth the trouble.
the "ideal" candidate...
this man may be who dubya least wants to face in next year's election. gen. wesley clark was a commentator on cnn during the war and is an interesting possibility for running as a democrat. read why.
beer of the week...
ipswich ales is a local massachussetts beer that is only distributed in that state. i highly recommend the ipswich original ale. it's an english-style bitter ale, which ironically means it's not really all that bitter. anyway, it's a nice orange color and very rich malty taste but not thick and muddy like a stout. find it next time you're in beantown.
privatize marriage...
here's an interesting column from Michael Kinsley. he argues that the solution to the gay marriage question is to simply "privatize" all marriage -- essentially no longer make it a government-sanctioned relationship, but instead let anybody marry anyone else any way they want to do it.
from the bible belt to the gold coast...
remember the news that william "lounge lizard" bennett was a gambling addicted moral hypocrite? well now the 700 Club honcho pat robertson is defending convicted war criminal and liberian dictator charles taylor. apparently he likes taylor because he's a good baptist defending himself against savage muslims. that's already a huge oversimplification but there's another factor at play: the "good rev" has his own little interest in a liberian diamond mine that was arranged with.....you guessed it, Taylor.
tour de freedom...
ok, we can re-commence saying "france" instead of freedom, but i found myself watching the tour de france yesterday. i couldn't name more than one rider in the whole race, but apparently, televising a long, long, long bike race across the entire country of france is a technical feat akin to the great wall of china or michael jackson's newest face.
we report, they decide....
as intellectually stimulating as michael savage, hannity&colmes, greta van facelift and other brainless american mass media is, those know-it-all tea-and-crumpets-loving brits are bringing "the guardian" to the land of apple pie, baseball and military tribunals. apparently "the economist" and "financial times" have done well here before. now -- how to permanently replace that "we report, you decide" crap with BBC america.
"invade their countries, kill all their leaders, convert them to chrisitianity"....
that was, of course, the famous ann coulter strategy for ending terrorism. there's more of her ridiculous, poorly thought out, completely insane writing on the way with the publication of "treason," which argues that democrats are all traitors and joseph mccarthy has gotten a bad rap. oh boy. where to start? try here, where her writing gets sliced up like sushi in the wall street journal.
the pub re-opens...
i temporarily lost my bloggin mojo, but i think it's back now. just as the thermometer hits 100, sharks are off the rhode island coast and bush is travelling through the bush, i'm back in the pub.
clinton lied, but his didn't get anybody killed....
yeah that little white lie about iraq buying iranium from niger was completely "bushit." we've known that for months. but i did like this ny daily news story about presidential lying that puts this recent fiasco into nice context.
bush for re-election part 2....
best believe that dubya and his rove polito-bot will use the pvt. lynch story to full dramatic effect come campaign time. too bad, though, that it turns out the story isn't quite like the pentagon wanted us to believe.
the washington post sent reports to nasiriyah to re-report the story and they came up with this:
"The Special Operations unit's full-scale rescue of the private, while justified given the uncertainty confronting U.S. forces as they entered the compound, ultimately was proven unnecessary. Iraqi combatants had left the hospital almost a day earlier, leaving Lynch in the hands of doctors and nurses who said they were eager to turn her over to Americans.
Neither the Pentagon nor the White House publicly dispelled the more romanticized initial version of her capture, helping to foster the myth surrounding Lynch and fuel accusations that the Bush administration stage-managed parts of Lynch's story."
bush for re-election part 1.....
apparently the karl rove propaganda machine has performed even better in recent months than anyone knew. the machine has a full third of americans convinced that we've ALREADY found weapons of mass distruction in Iraq. read all the scary details here. warning: it doesn't paint a pretty picture of americans.
beer of the week...
italy isn't known for its beers, but Moretti La Rossa is a real good one. it's a double bock-style beer in the german style. so you'll get a dark, crisp lager beer. the flavor is rich and nutty. it goes well with italian food, too. i saw it recently at the macaroni grille and in liquor stores. definitely worth a try.
impeach the fcc...
sorry the pub has been closed lately. the owner hasn't had much time for bartending, but i'm back now.
anway...the fcc voted to stick it to the american people this week. we just got prison raped by rupert the mad australian and assorted other shady media moguls (with the exception of the fair-minded barry diller and ted turner). michael powell (son of colon) exhibited his love of democracy by treating 750,000 emailed protest letters to the fcc like they were spam advertisements for penis elargements.
tom shales, the washington post movie critic (and author of the great saturday night live book "Live from New York"), took his shots at the moronic decision to allow cross-ownership by media companies in a single market.
the gravy train of strained english...
dubyaspeak.com has to be one of the best sites on the web for cataloging the boy emporer's numerous verbal gaffes. now they have a quiz where you can test your ability to discern dubya's words from those of dan quayle. i'm not bragging, but i did score and 8 out of 10.
as hateable as she is...
the guardian did a nice little write up on america's favorite blonde right wing bimbo. this women is clearly insane. the writer of this piece argues that she might have some kind of self-hatred issue related to being a woman. she actually suggests that women shouldn't have the right to vote...
Why does she think the franchise is too big already? Who exactly has the vote who shouldn't have? "Women," she says, laughing. "It's true. It would be a much better country if women did not vote. That is simply a fact. In fact, in every presidential election since 1950 - except Goldwater in '64 - the Republican would have won, if only the men had voted."
a little monday morning humor...
(this was sent to me, but i don't know who wrote it...anyway, enjoy.)
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is
waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here, "says the devil. "You are on my list but I
have no room for you."
"You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let
YOU decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room: in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of
water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over.
Such was his fate in hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't
think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room: in it was Tony Blair with
a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer,
time after time after time.
"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony
if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.
The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the
floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in spread
eagle pose.
Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah,
I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said...........
"OK, Monica, you're free to go!"
more things to worry about...
i guess the bush administration feels we need more things to worry about. we're already duct-taping our homes out of fear of a bio-terror attack, right? and of course saddam had his finger on the button ready to fire all kinds of nasty stuff at peoria. and of course there's still shark attacks, SARS, anthrax, computer hackers and school shooters to worry about. now one of the defense department's top dogs wants the U.S. to consider using nuclear weapons more often. this guy, keith payne, suggested that we could have used nukes in the first gulf war.
here's an excerpt:
"If the locations of dispersed mobile launchers cannot be determined with enough precision to permit pinpoint strikes, suspected deployment areas might be subjected to multiple nuclear strikes."
so what he's suggesting is like some kind of super-pre-emptive doctrine where not only do we wage war if we suspect another country has weapons, but we strafe the area with nuclear weapons. incredible. (and this schmuck still has a job as a legitimate policy thinker in the bush adminstration.)
gone to pot...
beer is the drug of choice here in joel's pub, but i have notice a few interesting stories recently related to the push for legalizing marijuana. as a political issue, no U.S. leaders are willing to take it up, but maybe the bush twins will mention it at the dinner table one night?
I can only hope...
dubya: "what's this about you smoking a doobie with ashton kutcher, jenna?"
jenna bush: "well at least i'm not hooked on prescription painkillers like my cousin. and dammit dad, weren't you caught with a little nose candy of your own before stealing the election?"
meanwhile, up in canada, logic prevails. their government is actually having an intelligent dialogue about the issue. it's just too bad that our own drug czar doesn't feel so confident about canadian democracy. maybe we'll have to "liberate" them next?
fall from grace...
it's nice to see this jerk exposed for the charlatan he is. i actually remember teachers and students at the univ. of maryland journalism school talking about what a great example he was of a young journalist. it turns out jayson blair was cheating every step of the way. here's an excerpt from howard kurtz's washpost story (even though i don't exactly have a lot of faith in mr. kurtz): anyway, here goes:
"Blair, who has bragged of being one of the youngest reporters hired by the Times, has expressed regret in a letter to the paper and said he is seeking counseling for "recurring personal problems."
Landman, the metro editor, said that watching Blair self-destruct has been "brutal," and he wondered whether he should have held him back for more remedial work. "Can I go so far as to say that he wouldn't have done something horrible? Of course not."
joe 12-pack....
anyone who has ever tried to buy a pack of beer in pennsylvania know that they got their beer laws direct from nazi germany. there are no liquor stores, beer can only be sold in beer distributorships, beer distributors can only sell you a CASE!!!!!!, no beer sales on sunday....yadda, yadda, yadda.
i found this article today that suggests that pennsylvania's laws aren't going to change anytime soon. not surprisingly, greed and political favoritism has a lot to do with consumers getting shafted.
bartender's pick....
a lot of beer snobs turn their noses up at lagers, preferring the more robust characteristics of ales (stouts, porters, bitters, etc.). personally i really like well-made lagers -- many of which come from either germany or the czech republic. One of my standbys is warsteiner. you can find both the "premium verum" - a blonde, or "premium dunkel" a darker beer, here in the US for not a lot of money. actually this brand usually costs as much as the vastly inferior bud or michelob.
right wing hypocrites?....can't be.
it turns out bill bennett, a guy who has made a (lucrative) career out of preaching morality to the masses has himself had a big bad gambling addiction for a while now. the preacher of how the rest of us should live has lost beaucoup de fric in the casinos. all while championing the fake righteousness of the extreme religious right.
somewhere between gandhi and pinochet...
i don't know if this nifty tool told me a whole lot about myself that i didn't know before, but it might help you describe your own politics and figure out how you compare to world leaders. i'm in the neighborhood of nelson mandela, gandhi and the dalai lama. not bad company, i guess. you can also see if your political views are more in line with gen. pinochet, stalin or margaret thatcher.
another election to steal....
i keep hearing that dubya the boy emporer will have an easy time getting re-elected (or should i say re-unelected) in 2004. i just wonder if his democratic opponent will bother to point out that dubya might be the worst president since herbert hoover when it comes to the economy losing jobs.
the mailbag...
(i'm going to post up here any interesting thoughts, rants, ruminations, whatever that loyal joel's pub customers send to me. email them to: jfurf@att.net)
this one's from the bartender's moms...
By the way, I got to your website. I agree - I hate cars, too. The problem is that we are completely dependent on them, but they are not always dependable. Apparently, our elected officials have always decided to listen to the car manufacturers rather than using their common sense to develop mass transit which we desparately need.
love
ya, m
the frat boy coach.
iowa state basketball coach larry eustachy was caught on the front page of the des moines register partying and drinking with college co-eds at some late night parties. oh, and he has a wife and two kids at home. back in college we always joked about college sports coaches partying with students and being the BMOC, but i never thought it was literally true.
the most hilarious quote is from the student who ratted him out to the paper after the coach got all belligerant drunk at 4:30 in the morning during a frat party.
"He was here and acted very uncoachlike," Devereaux told the newspaper. "I didn't think personally he could hang that long, being an old man."
italian american reader.
salon has a review of a collection of writing by italian american writers today. (click on "day pass" if you're not a member). here's something that never really occurred to me, but i guess might have some truth:
"Look at the top literary magazines, and by that I mean quality magazines, where pieces are turned into book deals, and later movie deals, which gives writers something they're usually desperate for -- real money that allows them to continue writing full-time. Look at their mastheads: There are very few Italian names, less than a handful, at the level of either senior editor or senior writer or above. (Not art or photo or ad sales, but in editorial.) Tonelli intimates the importance of ethnocentrism, how he was astounded, proud, inspired by seeing an Italian name in his local Philadelphia newspaper when he was a kid. But it can't be overemphasized."
freaky phillips friday.
i haven't forgotten what it was like waiting tables at Phillips -- D.C.'s seafood trough...er, buffet. you really do see the worst of people when you're serving them food and drinks. i found this rant from a long-abused waiter who complains about non-tippers....in this case, Christians.
"I would always get this table of Catholics that would run my ass off, want a dozen separate checks and would leave me this folded up piece of paper that looked like a twenty. On the inside of the paper it said "Why are you disappointed that this isn't money? All the riches of heaven await you if you take Jesus as your savior." As a lapsed Christian I have taken Jesus as my savior, but little pieces of paper that aren't actual money don't pay my %#**ing rent."
play the joker....
anyone else bored of CNN and fox news bragging that the u.s. nabbed the queen of diamonds or jack of spades? luckily someone came up with their own deck of cards bearing the likenesses of a different shady regime.
liberal media tricksters...
every time i turn on the the radio, the constipated angry-white-male bill o'reilly is on. this hemmorhoid wins his arguments by cutting off the mics of people he disagrees with. when your demogoguery can't compete with genuine ideas, just brow-beat them til they shut up.
gay gay republicans.
i really do think sen. rick santorum, of PA, is flaming gay behind closed doors. you know the ones who complain loudest about gays are usually the ones caught in the men's bathroom on the weekend.
iraq...we hardly knew ye.
i give the iraq story about another week before its off the front page and out of the american psyche completely. anyone remember that afghanistan country that we invaded last year? well the US hasn't done squat to "instill democracy" there. instead we left their president (a Dubya crony) as a sitting duck. now we're going to give up on nation-building in iraq. the US didn't even bother sending troops to protect the country's national museum. can you imagine if we were invaded and they allowed looters to steal the declaration of independence and the liberty bell?
now the US is pissy that kofi annan suggested they actually spend some time establishing order and protecting people in the country "we" just conquered. remimd me again what the reason for this war was? oh yeah, there's an election in 2004 and if the democrats were wise, they'd cast their hanging chad for gen. wesley clark. i'm still wavering between whether clark or sen. john edwards would be more electable.
beer of the day: check out brooklyn brewery's black chocoloate stout. this brewing company makes a lot of good beers, but their stout is just so so so good.
the joel's pub map of the united states:
i thought i'd hit you with my own rundown of the various u.s. states. look out delaware.
rhode island: kind of a scrubbier little brother of massachusetts. white people fill all of the lowest paying jobs here: including journalism. also, you're never just "white" or "hispanic", etc. you're always known by your ethnicity: especially if you're italian, irish, portuguese, columbian or cape verdean.
pennsylvania: i stil consider this my home state. there's no accent, and it's big as hell, lots of fly-over territory. second-most catholic state (after rhode island, btw). lots of great beers are brewed there, too. you can't mess with Yuengling. oh and they have the most die-hard sports fans in TWO cities. (beat that, florida.)
delawhere?: my most-hated state. texas may be a disgrace to the republic, but delaware is just evil. if you don't believe me, read this article from last year. not only is it a boring place, but they basically leech off the semi-good people of pennsylvania, new york and new jersey.
maryland: almost my home state. spent way too much time partying there during college. i can still tell you the best place to get chicken fried steak at 3 in the morning.
florida: home of the floridiots. maybe the most un-natural place humans have ever settled in. maybe some mysterious swamp gases have gone to their brains. gotta love the occasional stores of floridiots trying to take home alligators as pets and getting their damned arms bitten off. also the home states of Miss Kristen, a fine fine blogger.
topic of the day.
i fucking hate cars. i wish i didn't need one. its like a giant smoke-spewing baby constantly in need of money, space and attention. cars are also killing our cities. if you don't believe me, read this NY Times article about a "congestion tax" in London. i for one am all for the government declaring war on our automobiles. one little factoid brought up in the story: the brooklyn bridge was actually MORE EFFICIENT at getting people across the river before cars began driving across it, back when the main transit into manhattan was by trolley.
beer pick of the day:
this is the first recommendation that i've made since the pub opened Friday. there will be more to come, i promise.....
I saw this beer sitting at the bottom of the shelf at my local liquor store over the weekend. the bottles looked dusty and the labels had a very "old man beer" kind of vibe, but i had to try Liebotschaner Cream Ale. I was extremely impressed. very high quality ingredients in this hard-to-find Cream Ale, which is a nice pale, warm weather beer. this one is brewed by Lion Brewery in Wilkes-Barre, PA. It's cheap as hell, too, so you have no friggin excuse drinking that pissy budweiser or coors light.
Sorry about the appearance. my memory of html is fuzzy, so you might see some changes to the pub's interior over the next few days.
here's something I stumbled upon last night while researching something for work. apparently drug dealers in Rhode Island are still required to pay taxes on their product.
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