The Onion... or the real thing

Is this a joke or not? I can't tell. It really should be in The Onion.

ESPN might take itself too seriously

A real news flash, I know.

Check out "The Onion."

Walnuts and sex (you're welcome!)

You probably heard about John "Walnuts" McCain's latest gaffe involving his position on health insurance paying for contraceptives (and only tangentially related to Viagra, but the media picked that up and ran with it anyway). Well, here's an interview from last year in which the old bag of bones got thrown off by a question about AIDS. This man CANNOT seriously be running for preznit, right?

Reporter: “Should U.S. taxpayer money go to places like Africa to fund contraception to prevent AIDS?”

Mr. McCain: “Well I think it’s a combination. The guy I really respect on this is Dr. Coburn. He believes – and I was just reading the thing he wrote– that you should do what you can to encourage abstinence where there is going to be sexual activity. Where that doesn’t succeed, than he thinks that we should employ contraceptives as well. But I agree with him that the first priority is on abstinence. I look to people like Dr. Coburn. I’m not very wise on it.”

(Mr. McCain turns to take a question on Iraq, but a moment later looks back to the reporter who asked him about AIDS.)

Mr. McCain: “I haven’t thought about it. Before I give you an answer, let me think about. Let me think about it a little bit because I never got a question about it before. I don’t know if I would use taxpayers’ money for it.”

Q: “What about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should it be Bush’s policy, which is just abstinence?”

Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “Ahhh. I think I support the president’s policy.”

Q: “So no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?”

Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “You’ve stumped me.”

Q: “I mean, I think you’d probably agree it probably does help stop it?”

Mr. McCain: (Laughs) “Are we on the Straight Talk express? I’m not informed enough on it. Let me find out. You know, I’m sure I’ve taken a position on it on the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian, would you find out what my position is on contraception – I’m sure I’m opposed to government spending on it, I’m sure I support the president’s policies on it.”

Q: “But you would agree that condoms do stop the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Would you say: ‘No, we’re not going to distribute them,’ knowing that?”

Mr. McCain: (Twelve-second pause) “Get me Coburn’s thing, ask Weaver to get me Coburn’s paper that he just gave me in the last couple of days. I’ve never gotten into these issues before.”

The asshole of the South

Di and I travelled to South Carolina twice recently. Once to Charleston (a very fun little city) and once to a state park (where we camped and went to the beach).

Both places were nice enough, and the people in Charleston were pleasant, but the rubes who make up the rest of the state are downright fugly. I should have known this when they spent the entire weekend staring at us like space aliens. (For those who don't know, she's black and I'm a 'Nilla/cracker/Altoid/honky.)

So I wasn't surprised that a campaign to attract gay tourists to South Shithole is being criticized by rightwing fucknuts.

Here's state Republican Sen. David Thomas:

“South Carolina is a wonderful, family friendly destination not a Southern version of San Francisco. This campaign goes against our core values.”

Of course, one of the Wonkette commenters pointed out that South Shithole also regularly produces stories like this one.

Some highlights:

- The victim's name is Tammy. (shocker!)
- The perp's name is Pooh Bear. (He also has two first names and is Tammy's son. Again, none of this should surprise us.)
- The perp supposedly urinated on his mother.
- Tammy then stabbed Pooh Bear six times. (This being S.C., Pooh is lucky he didn't get shot.)
- The following quote was uttered: "Why did you pee on me Pooh Bear? This was met with the reply from Pooh Bear of: "Mama you done stabbed me."
- The police didn't charge Tammy with assault

Google suggests some stereotypes

You've probably encountered Google Suggestions already, even if you don't realize it. It's the feature in the Google toolbar/Firefox search menu that automatically pulls up the most searched terms as soon as you start typing. Hence, if you type in "S," up pops the most common serach terms starting with "S."

So I happened to type in "stereotypical," and before I could complete the phrase, up popped the list of most stereotypical search for stereotypes:

- stereotypical gay
- stereotypical British phrases
- stereotypical Australian names
- stereotypical black foods
- stereotypical chinese song
- stereotypical college student
- stereotypical gay names
- stereotypical working class

Make of this what you will.

Walnuts misses the train

I'm going to keep harping on how out-of-touch, and behind-a-few-steps John "Walnuts" McCain is. Don't get it twisted, the "Maverick" is really just a half-senile old bag of bones without an ounce of forward thinking.

Here's a nice smackdown of his record on Amtrak and rail transit. Walnuts thinks we can engineer emissions-free cars sooner and more efficiently than we can improve transportation options. What planet is he from?

Rat rides on a cat riding on a dog

Yes, that's an actual CNN.com headline. Thankfully, someone has finally created WTF CNN, a blog devoted to screen caps of the site's most inane headlines. I also dig their logo.

John McCain is aware of the internet

I may have to rename this blog "The Walnuts Out-of-Touch Express" if this keeps up.

Here's Walnuts explaining how well he understands what everyday drivers are going through:

WICKSOL: When was the last time you pumped your own gas and how much did it cost?

MCCAIN: Oh, I don’t remember. Now there’s Secret Service protection. But I’ve done it for many, many years. I don’t recall and frankly, I don’t see how it matters.

I’ve had hundreds and hundreds of town hall meetings, many as short a time ago as yesterday. I communicate with the people and they communicate with me very effectively.

Why we're fat

I can't say I'm a regular reader of "divine caroline: Life in your words" (mmm, Lifetime-y!), but I did find this nifty article illustrating just why our collective asses are so collectively fat. In a nutshell (or perhaps a Pringles can): portion sizes.


OK. I just noticed this article on that same site. Consider me intrigued... and horrified.

Oh, Walnuts

Yes, John McCain's new nickname is Walnuts... or even better, WALNUTS!

He was actually born before the Crimean War and possibly the Treaty of Ghent. He rides one of those bicycles with the giant 6-foot front wheel. He remembers the Barbary Pirates. OK, you get the point.

Anyway, he also is apparently trying out this new Internet Googles thing! Here he is describing his search for a VP:

"You know, basically it's a Google," he said to laughter at a fund-raising luncheon when asked how the selection process was going. "What you can find out now on the Internet -- it's remarkable."

Basically it's a Google? Um, is he calling up Ted Stevens for tech support?

That's On Point: The Web Site: John Bullspit

Check out:
That's On Point: The Web Site: John Bullspit

That's On Point talks about today's England v. U.S.A. friendly at Wembley. There's some good stuff in there about how U.S. fans continue to fawn over England's football heritage, even though other countries have long since caught up to it and its national teams is perennially underperforming.

I agree. It is a problem. And it's exactly why the U.S. Soccer Federation should be turning in the direction of Latin America, rather than Europe. (Playing in the Copa America last year was a nice step). Hispanics are the fastest-growing ethnic group in America. They love footie. (I seem them every single day in the park in my neighborhood). Why not try to "Latin-ize" the American game with the kind of intensity that players and fans in Mexico and Argentina bring to the sport. For one, you could have started by hiring Jose Pekerman instead of Bob Bradley as U.S. manager.

Approaching the city

Here's a fantastic blog about public transportation, with a little urban planning and politics thrown in. Very nice....

Wolf Blitzer is E.B. Farnum

I've been watching a lot of CNN lately for some reason, and I finally today realized something about everyone's favorite news personality.

Wolf Blitzer is E.B. Farnum, the fictional mayor on HBO's "Deadwood."

Wolf:


and E.B. Farnum:

Jayne Mansfield's death car

Di and I are going to be in Florida this weekend (for a wedding). It's too bad the Tragedy in U.S. History Museum is no longer operating. I would love to see assorted random tchotkes associated with famous deaths.

(Hat tip to Don's blog Driving to Oahu. He mentioned having stumbled upon the museum, in St. Augustine, Fla. 20 years ago.)

Other stuff...

We know Hillary likes her pantsuits, but this is hilarious.

Also, Mrs. T-L posted this today. Yes, it's us on our somewhat recent trip to Charleston and Savannah.

We are the angry mob

We are the angry mob
we read the papers everyday
we like who we like, we hate who we hate
but we're oh so easily swayed

The demented Spartan child

It's been a horrible season for Barcelona. They broke down and humiliated themselves, particularly as Real Madrid found themselves hoisting the hardware.

There has been one bright spot, however, the emerging greatness of Lionel Messi. Here is Phil Ball, the best English-language writer covering La Liga today (I know, I know), eloquently telling us why he named Messi to his Best XI:

Left midfield: Leo Messi (Barcelona)
He was picked for this spot last season, and although it's not strictly his position it's difficult to say exactly what Messi is - a phrase often used to describe the greats. Well - we know he's the best player in the world, with apologies to Ronaldo lovers, but he's not here for that reason. What has been most impressive about Messi this season has been his sheer will to win, his never-say-die attitude and the silent example he has provided to all around him, many of whom have seemed less than committed to the cause. At times he has run down cul-de-sacs, it's true, but only because there has been a lack of intelligent support. He's hardly had a bad game, and even when he came back from a serious injury, he was immediately running at players again like some sort of demented Spartan child, unacquainted with fear. Sorry to mix the metaphors, but he's also worked like a Trojan. Nice little bloke too, modest and without pretensions. You get the impression that he appreciates the privilege of being a professional footballer, particularly after what he went though as a child. He deserved better this season.

Middlebrow horseshit

I've been seriously digging Matt Taibbi's writing lately. Here's his bananas book review of "The World is Flat" by Thomas Friedman.

Things happen when you wear Eleganza

Eleganza has to be the greatest name for a clothing line I've ever heard. Check out these 1970s fashion ads from Ebony Magazine. It's pimpalicious.

The ghetto formerly known as the suburbs

I'm going keep blogging about this until I'm blue in the fingers... people no longer want to live in the suburbs. The truth is that, due to longer and longer commuting times, higher gas prices and less of a desire for whites to get away from minority neighbors, all the demand growth for housing is currently in cities.

And lo and behold, look at today's U.S. home construction report:

The U.S. Commerce Department is reporting construction rose by 8.2 percent in April, to a seasonally adjusted annual rate of 1.03 million units. However, the growth came from a big jump in apartment construction. Building of single-family homes continued to weaken.