Hillary explains it all

For the record, the all-time greatest commentator on the American class system was the comedian Colin Quinn, who once did a skit on his show "Tough Crowd" in which he laid out "The American Caste System."

(I'm going from memory, so if I screw anything up, post a comment!)

From the pinnacle of society to its dregs:

- The A-listers: This group includes pretty much any celebrity or otherwise rich person with enough charisma to get in anywhere for free.

- The Tuesday Nighters: This group includes pretty much anyone who's hip or interesting without being rich or famous. They can probably get into the best nightclubs in town, but only on Tuesday nights.

- The Wal-martians: This group includes most of Middle America. They wear a lot of sweatpants and buy things like Country Music Christmas Albums.

- The Ignored: This group is America's version of the Dalits (untouchables). The old, the infirm, the insane rambling homeless man who screams about the CIA in the middle of the street.

Anyway, the Washington Post had a story last week on how we define the upper and middle classes in this country. It was somewhat insightful, mainly thanks to this whopper of a delusional quote from Hillary Clinton:

"In America, we've never liked the idea of massive inherited wealth," Clinton said last month in New Hampshire. "Part of the reason why America has always remained a meritocracy where you have to work for what you get, where you have to get out there, make your case to people, come up with a good idea, is that we never had a class of people sitting on generation after generation after generation of huge inherited wealth."

Explain to me again how she's so left wing? The idea that America never had inherited wealth is so absurd that I can't understnad how some deluded Democrats are still supporting her. Who's team is she on?

For the record, Obama defined the "upper class" as anyone making over $100,000 in annual income, which is six percent of the population. That sounds about right to me.

Take the last train to Fuck You-Ville

My wife and I are planning to spend Christmas up in Philadelphia this year. That means we have to travel from Atlanta all the way up to the land of Cheesesteaks and obsessive sports talk radio. I had the idea that maybe we would take the train up there -- No long security lines, no need to turn off the iPod or put your tray table up. I think train travel is pretty much superior in every way to air travel (with the exception of that whole not-being-able-to-travel-over-water thing).

So I went to amtrak.com and looked up the price of two round-trip tickets from ATL to Philly. The price came to a completely fucking insane $712!

Then I went and looked up airfare. It turns out two round-trip tickets on AirTran Airways would cost $673.48.

Now, I know that Bush and his Republican buddies could give fuck-all about train service, but wow have things gotten bad for Amtrak. They can't even compete on price point basis with the airlines! Has the sheer insanity of this sunk in yet? FLYING IS NOW CHEAPER THAN TRAIN TRAVEL!!!

Yes, the world's least efficient mode of transportation, the one that uses far more fuel and causes far more pollution than any other method (even driving your SUV) is now our prefered way of travelling between cities. Delays caused by too many flights leaving too few runways and Soviet food line-esque security mazes have resulted in so many flight delays that Dubya the Dumber even had to re-route flights through military airspace. (If you read that a Boeing was accidentally shot down this week, remember, this Dubya we're talking about.)

The truth of the matter is Dubya and his criminal buddies (Tom Delay, Jack Abramoff, etc.) have always been in the pockets of the airlines, which spend millions of dollars on lobbying. All Amtrak has to lobby is a few federal bureaucrats who have no sway at all with Republican members of Congress, due to the railroad's perception that it only serves the Boston to Washington corridor. Bush himself keeps trying to kill Amtrak and wants a plan that puts rail transportation in the hands of the states.

So the Republicans are basically saying that inter-city travel, which by the very nature of it must connect different cities and states all across the country, should not be a function of the federal government!

I know there are people who say taxpayers shouldn't have to subsidize rail travel, but the fact is that EVERY mode of transportation is already partially subsidized by federal and state governments -- and highways and airports are the chief beneficiaries of that public money, while rail travel is left to wither on the vine.

Even FEMA refused Amtrak's offer to help evacuate Katrina victims! Think about that for a second. We have a federal government that is so anti-Amtrak that it refused to let flood victims take trains out of New Orleans. Do you really think they're going to change course and start subsidizing train service at the expense of deep-pocketed airlines?

Mims is hot like Mims

- If you're like me, you're bewildered/disturbed by the inane lyrics of "This is Why I'm Hot" by Mims. I think this review, complete with flow charts and venn diagrams, explains its unappeal very well.

- I don't know if this is hokey pseudoscience or not, but I found it interesting. It's one of those little interpretative images that change depending on who sees it.

MWLLOL

First there was Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers (dot-com). Now we've evolved, though. We're exploring our sensitive side, and possibly reading our poetry at one of those little colleges in western Massachusetts. We've ditched the Gambler for a Lillith Fair soundtrack. Yep, it's Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians. Get your chuckle on.

Worst. Candidate. Ever.

Please don't be fooled into thinking Libertarian Jackass Ron Paul is a serious candidate. He has somehow managed to convince a few gullible dungeons & dragons-playing internet "Paultards" (as Wonkette has taken to calling them) to support him, but Dr. Giggles' rhetoric is devoid of anything resembling a realistic plan for the country. Check out this WaPo blogger's takedown of Paul's asinine promise to abolish the income tax.

I particularly love the Paultard internet commenters/trolls who seem to take over every political blog and website so they can ramble like half-baked college idiots:

I see a lot of hypocrites in here who don't care about Congressman Dr. Ron Paul planes, the are here for bashing, discrediting him, are you afraid! YES THERE IS A RISK HE COULD WIN! Yes I will vote for him, because I am smart enough to decide for my self!

Yes, he has many plans. Yes he wants to shrink the gov. :
A small government, cut cut and cut budget wherever he can without hurting the American people nor the economy.
He wants that the fruits of your labor stay with you: so every one can afford a health care coverage and take care of themselves, the government is not your NANY! Grow up and take responsibility for yourself and your family.
He doesn't want to put anybody who is dependant on the Medicare or Social security on the street, but give the ones who want to get out of it the possibility to do so.
He wants to let you choose, make your own choices, that's called liberty: Are you now afraid? Because since you were born you were used to the gov. taking your hand and showing you the 'RIGHT' way!? The way they think it is good for you!?

If we stop printing money out of the thin air and sending it overseas for useless wars, and an empire that is so costly (To the 'fact checker': the us has more than 170 army bases overseas) we are going to save more than what we are getting out of the income taxes MR. Pinocchio!

Dr. Paul is a man with integrity, a honest man, his folk in the different texas districts he is being elected since 10 terms, are not a single issue voters like the most of you! All they care about is that they have the chance to have a representative that is honest and close to them, is there when they need him and is not a puppet of the lobbies.

Sure, you got used to liars and dishonest people, who will never serve your interests but the interests of those who pays for their campaigns. You got in love with the hypocrites that you don't care any more about the person and their plans!!

Fortunately, people are waking up, they can't believe there luck, that there is a man out there, a honest man with integrity and principles, who is ready to sacrifice the next years of his life to restore the constitution, restore the republic and give you America back. WE THE PEOPLE.

Vote Congressman Dr. RON PAUL and be part of it.

Live free or die

Can I buy a vowel?

The vowel-challenged website RCRD LBL is up and running. It's a little indie label collaboration with free and legal MP3s to download. Whoo. Check out this remix of "D.A.N.C.E." featuring Mos Def and Spank Rock.

It's like yin and yang, dude

First read this, then check out this.

And all is right in the world.

You're not leaving the prison camp until you admit Hydrox are inferior to Oreos

This might be the greatest headline ever: Drug Deal Results in Cookie Torture. Notable excerpt from the story:

The suspects beat the man with a wooden paddle, burned his neck and shoulders with cookies immediately after taking them from the oven, shaved off some of his hair and poured urine over him from a soda bottle, Wells said.

How badly do fresh cookies hurt? This amazes me. What a waste of cookies. Every half-assed torturer from Guantanamo to Guanghzou knows the best method is the ole "car battery to the nuts" technique.

Carl's Jr. and Hardee's wants to kill you

I know we all love a little fast food once in a while. But whatever you do, don't ever fuck with the Carl's Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger. Check out this awesome sortable nutritional guide to fast food. Here's why the Double Six Dollar Burger got such a bad score:

Are you ready for this one? The Double Six Dollar Burger from Carl's Jr. contains an insane 1520 calories. That's not a typo. One sandwich contains more calories than some smaller females need... PER DAY. The 111 grams of fat isn't a typo either. That's more fat in one sandwich than most average sized men need per day. Carl's Jr. unfortunately does not provide the trans fat content of their foods, as I for one would have loved to have seen that number as well. Too bad.

America! Love it or leave it!

American gangster

My boy Johnny C. (who I've been friends with since the age of, I think, 15) sent me this picture of himself. I'm posting it here... because I can. I think this image can be summarized in one world: Classy!

World's. Second worst. people.

Are the fuckwits coming out of the woodwork today, or what? The latest bit of foolishness comes courtesy of four residents of Statesboro, Ga. who are filing mass voter qualification challenges in order to disenfranchise college students who want to vote in local elections. As usual, they mask their political cynicism in the nannying vocabulary of concerned guardians. A few choice nuggets of bullshit:

"If your students are voting at home, they have the advantage, or the maturity, of their parents to guide them," said Sarah Hines, who helped form the group to challenge the student voters

and

"The students are being misled - they were being told to vote for a certain candidate so the bars would remain open," Hines said. "That's not what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to know in our own hearts why we're voting for somebody."

It's amazing how well retarded people can figure out the motivations and internal judgement ability of other voters in an election. Oh well. I understand why they're afraid: They don't want the town turned into a typical college town. But why shouldn't it be? After all, half of the town's residents are students. Shouldn't they have the right to elect the leaders who represent their interests?

Worst. Person. Ever.

Paging Keith Olberman. I have a hunch that the NY Times has found the world's worst person. (The more I think about the kind of people who read the NY Times, the less I find it surprising that he or she is a Gray Lady letter-writer). The scumbag-in-question is the writer of a letter to the Times Magazine's "Ethicist" column. Here's the query:

My beloved sister, a human rights worker in Central America, has long received financial help from our parents. I earn enough to support a comfortable lifestyle. May I ask them to make a reckoning of their aid to my sister, subtracting it from any bequest they eventually make her, so that overall, she and I receive equal amounts?

— Name Withheld, Albuquerque

Yes, that's right. This person is asking whether he/she should count up how much his or her parents have given to the sister in support of her work as a human rights worker in Central America, so that he or she can get a bigger inheritance when they finally kick the bucket. All this despite being financially secure! The NYT answer is boring and a little too non-judgmental, frankly. I prefer Gawker's answer.

Wednesday footy links

There's been some great football coverage around the web lately. The NY Times usually doesn't get much past covering the World Cup and the occasional Red Bulls story, but they did a fine job with this article on Bayern Munich that delves into the financial peculiarities of playing in the Bundesliga. I wish more sports writers could do these kinds of stories that explain how the underlying business environment of a sport affects the action on the field.

I'm also a huge fan of ESPN's Phil Ball, who writes about La Liga for their website (he's also an author). The aptly-named Ball wrote a column this week about the Basque team Atletico Bilbao that really made me want to visit its home stadium.

The truly wonderful thing about Athletic is that the pre-match experience makes you feel that you're in some sort of sepia photograph, or in a Lowry painting. Unlike the modern tendency of clubs to re-locate to the urban margins, where the new stadium stands on the edge of an industrial estate or sleeps anonymously in the middle of a field, San Mamés is almost hidden by the blocks of flats and bars that surround it. It seems to grow out of the old urban structure, so that there is no disconnection whatsoever with the heart of the city itself.

More wide stances

Can we even be surprised by this sort of thing anymore?

Colbert's new column

Stephen Colbert writes a guest column for Maureen Dowd. Hilarity ensues.

Halloween 07

Di and I always enjoy celebrating Halloween. Last year, we hosted a party. Since we're in a new city and don't really have any friends here yet (don't worry, we've been meeting and hanging out with lots of new people, though) we decided to just give out candy and carve up a pumpkin. Gatsby, of course, insisted on dressing up.
I went all out in the jack 'o lantern department this year. I consider this year's jack o' lantern to be my Pumpkin Sistine Chapel.


It's a hunchbacked goblin holding a beaker full of bubbling magic potion. Unfortunately, only a dozen kids even came by, so not that many people actually saw it lit up. Wtf is wrong with people these days? Are they so afraid of molesters and whatnot (yes, I used that pseudo-word) that they won't let their kids bother neighbors for candy?

You can't stop him, you can only hope to contain him

Find out one basketball coach's advice on how best to cover teen wolf.

Friday bag o' fun

- Uniwatch, a blog devoted to chronicling sports uniforms, is a pretty good site. I just wish they talked more about soccer uniforms rather than just baseball and football. Frankly, soccer unis are far more creative and radical anyway, with so many more teams and more incentive to change the design from year to year. There is a good story today about the use of swastikas on hockey jerseys in the 1920s (before the Nazis took the symbol for themselves, of course).

- Warren Buffett wants his own taxes raised. He points out that he pays almost half the marginal tax rate that his secretary pays, even though his income is far higher than hers.

- Get your capirinhas and bikini waxes ready, Brazil will host the 2014 World Cup. The South American country hasn't hosted the tournament since 1950, so expect this to be a legendary party. I think i'd give my left foot to go.

Good stuff for today...

- Dave's Football Blog, a fairly new blog about the various forms of football (American football, soccer, the assorted types of Rugby) is a great read. There's a good bit of sports history and some great commentary on various issues, such as the recent NFL game in London. (Hint: The NFL spun it as a huge success, while the typical fish-and-chips eating Limey was quite non-plussed.)

- Ever wanted to own a professional sports team? Who wouldn't. I'm seriously intrigued by MyFootballClub.com. It's essentially a UK-based ownership trust that anyone can join for about $70 and that pledges to buy a football club. The concept of shareholder-owners is rare in the U.S. (the Green Bay Packers being a major exception), but this is really interesting. So far the top choice of the shareholders is to acquire Leeds United, a once-proud club that has fallen on hard times and is now two leagues below the Premiership. (Hint: This would make an awesome Christmas gift for that football lover in you life. cough. cough.)

- Don Vito, a Philadelphia-bred character from a certain MTV show was convicted of sexual assualt. Apparently he didn't take it too well:

"You might as well kill me now," as well as, "I can't f---ing spend the rest of my life in jail," "you cops lied" and "you can rot in f---ing hell!"