You're not leaving the prison camp until you admit Hydrox are inferior to Oreos

This might be the greatest headline ever: Drug Deal Results in Cookie Torture. Notable excerpt from the story:

The suspects beat the man with a wooden paddle, burned his neck and shoulders with cookies immediately after taking them from the oven, shaved off some of his hair and poured urine over him from a soda bottle, Wells said.

How badly do fresh cookies hurt? This amazes me. What a waste of cookies. Every half-assed torturer from Guantanamo to Guanghzou knows the best method is the ole "car battery to the nuts" technique.