Welcome to London

Check out this photo (via pitch invasion) of Swansea fans receiving a police escort on their way to match against Milwall in London. I guess they're guests of honor!

Saint Barry

The Rupert Murdoch-owned Weekly Standard, no friend of feel-good liberalism, has a cover story this week on St. Barack of Iowa. The story is a perfect illustration of one thing: If Barry is nominated the Democrats will roll into the White House. If they choose the other option, of nominating Hillary, welcome to right wing armageddon and a general election so unappealing, you'll wish we had a monarch.

Here's the deal: the Weekly Standard followed Obama around for a while during his Iowa campaign and noted a few things. First, he's incredibly good at staking positions that strike sensible compromises and limit alienating non-die-hards. Second, his supporters bring the passion that The Hills just can't. Third, the Iowa Caucus format favors a candidate who can win over second-choice voters whose original candidate was "nonviable."

The article had an incredible pro-Barry tone to it, which makes me wonder if a lot of Republican voters kinda deep down like the guy. Also, this line from the article cracked me up:

I spoke to a lawyer from Des Moines whose first choice is Dennis Kucinich. (We agreed that I would not use his name because, well, would you want your name used if you supported Dennis Kucinich?)

Like the first scene in Beetlejuice

Apparently there's a fairly new photographic technique called "tilt-shift" that allows photographers to manipulate a picture's focus in ways that makes an actual cityscape look like a picture of a scale model.

Check out some fantastic examples of this here.

Why they fear Obama more than Hillary

Andrew Sullivan, the conservative Atlantic Monthly writer has written an insanely good argument for President Obama, based on the notion that Barry would be the first post-baby boomer president who could move the country beyond the usual culture war issues that we've been preoccupied with for the past 40 years.

Amazing stuff. I wish I'd written it!

Here's a great Obama quote from before the Iraq invasion:

I don’t oppose all wars. And I know that in this crowd today, there is no shortage of patriots, or of patriotism. What I am opposed to is a dumb war. What I am opposed to is a rash war … I know that even a successful war against Iraq will require a U.S. occupation of undetermined length, at undetermined cost, with undetermined consequences. I know that an invasion of Iraq without a clear rationale and without strong international support will only fan the flames of the Middle East, and encourage the worst, rather than best, impulses of the Arab world, and strengthen the recruitment arm of al-Qaeda. I am not opposed to all wars. I’m opposed to dumb wars.

Your favorite Huey Lewis album

I happened to be browsing IMDB the other day and stumbled across this fucking gem of a quote from "American Psycho." If you dont' find this funny, then I don't think I'll ever be able to relate to you....

Patrick Bateman: Do you like Huey Lewis and the news?
Paul Allen: They're OK.
Patrick Bateman: Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercial and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humour.
Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram.
Patrick Bateman: Yes, Allen?
Paul Allen: Why are their copies of the style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something?
Patrick Bateman: No, Allen.
Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat?
Patrick Bateman: Yes it is! In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.
[raises axe above head]
Patrick Bateman: Hey Paul!
[he bashes Allen in the head with the axe, and blood splatters over him]
Patrick Bateman: TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!

The dangerous food I'm speaking of is soy

Ever find yourself watching Bravo and wondering how society suddenly got so gay? Well, it turns out the culprit is a seemingly-innocent health food, as this article with the subtlely states: Soy is making kids 'gay.'

Please do read through all five pages of it... so that I don't have to.

Hillary explains it all

For the record, the all-time greatest commentator on the American class system was the comedian Colin Quinn, who once did a skit on his show "Tough Crowd" in which he laid out "The American Caste System."

(I'm going from memory, so if I screw anything up, post a comment!)

From the pinnacle of society to its dregs:

- The A-listers: This group includes pretty much any celebrity or otherwise rich person with enough charisma to get in anywhere for free.

- The Tuesday Nighters: This group includes pretty much anyone who's hip or interesting without being rich or famous. They can probably get into the best nightclubs in town, but only on Tuesday nights.

- The Wal-martians: This group includes most of Middle America. They wear a lot of sweatpants and buy things like Country Music Christmas Albums.

- The Ignored: This group is America's version of the Dalits (untouchables). The old, the infirm, the insane rambling homeless man who screams about the CIA in the middle of the street.

Anyway, the Washington Post had a story last week on how we define the upper and middle classes in this country. It was somewhat insightful, mainly thanks to this whopper of a delusional quote from Hillary Clinton:

"In America, we've never liked the idea of massive inherited wealth," Clinton said last month in New Hampshire. "Part of the reason why America has always remained a meritocracy where you have to work for what you get, where you have to get out there, make your case to people, come up with a good idea, is that we never had a class of people sitting on generation after generation after generation of huge inherited wealth."

Explain to me again how she's so left wing? The idea that America never had inherited wealth is so absurd that I can't understnad how some deluded Democrats are still supporting her. Who's team is she on?

For the record, Obama defined the "upper class" as anyone making over $100,000 in annual income, which is six percent of the population. That sounds about right to me.

Take the last train to Fuck You-Ville

My wife and I are planning to spend Christmas up in Philadelphia this year. That means we have to travel from Atlanta all the way up to the land of Cheesesteaks and obsessive sports talk radio. I had the idea that maybe we would take the train up there -- No long security lines, no need to turn off the iPod or put your tray table up. I think train travel is pretty much superior in every way to air travel (with the exception of that whole not-being-able-to-travel-over-water thing).

So I went to amtrak.com and looked up the price of two round-trip tickets from ATL to Philly. The price came to a completely fucking insane $712!

Then I went and looked up airfare. It turns out two round-trip tickets on AirTran Airways would cost $673.48.

Now, I know that Bush and his Republican buddies could give fuck-all about train service, but wow have things gotten bad for Amtrak. They can't even compete on price point basis with the airlines! Has the sheer insanity of this sunk in yet? FLYING IS NOW CHEAPER THAN TRAIN TRAVEL!!!

Yes, the world's least efficient mode of transportation, the one that uses far more fuel and causes far more pollution than any other method (even driving your SUV) is now our prefered way of travelling between cities. Delays caused by too many flights leaving too few runways and Soviet food line-esque security mazes have resulted in so many flight delays that Dubya the Dumber even had to re-route flights through military airspace. (If you read that a Boeing was accidentally shot down this week, remember, this Dubya we're talking about.)

The truth of the matter is Dubya and his criminal buddies (Tom Delay, Jack Abramoff, etc.) have always been in the pockets of the airlines, which spend millions of dollars on lobbying. All Amtrak has to lobby is a few federal bureaucrats who have no sway at all with Republican members of Congress, due to the railroad's perception that it only serves the Boston to Washington corridor. Bush himself keeps trying to kill Amtrak and wants a plan that puts rail transportation in the hands of the states.

So the Republicans are basically saying that inter-city travel, which by the very nature of it must connect different cities and states all across the country, should not be a function of the federal government!

I know there are people who say taxpayers shouldn't have to subsidize rail travel, but the fact is that EVERY mode of transportation is already partially subsidized by federal and state governments -- and highways and airports are the chief beneficiaries of that public money, while rail travel is left to wither on the vine.

Even FEMA refused Amtrak's offer to help evacuate Katrina victims! Think about that for a second. We have a federal government that is so anti-Amtrak that it refused to let flood victims take trains out of New Orleans. Do you really think they're going to change course and start subsidizing train service at the expense of deep-pocketed airlines?

Mims is hot like Mims

- If you're like me, you're bewildered/disturbed by the inane lyrics of "This is Why I'm Hot" by Mims. I think this review, complete with flow charts and venn diagrams, explains its unappeal very well.

- I don't know if this is hokey pseudoscience or not, but I found it interesting. It's one of those little interpretative images that change depending on who sees it.

MWLLOL

First there was Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers (dot-com). Now we've evolved, though. We're exploring our sensitive side, and possibly reading our poetry at one of those little colleges in western Massachusetts. We've ditched the Gambler for a Lillith Fair soundtrack. Yep, it's Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians. Get your chuckle on.

Worst. Candidate. Ever.

Please don't be fooled into thinking Libertarian Jackass Ron Paul is a serious candidate. He has somehow managed to convince a few gullible dungeons & dragons-playing internet "Paultards" (as Wonkette has taken to calling them) to support him, but Dr. Giggles' rhetoric is devoid of anything resembling a realistic plan for the country. Check out this WaPo blogger's takedown of Paul's asinine promise to abolish the income tax.

I particularly love the Paultard internet commenters/trolls who seem to take over every political blog and website so they can ramble like half-baked college idiots:

I see a lot of hypocrites in here who don't care about Congressman Dr. Ron Paul planes, the are here for bashing, discrediting him, are you afraid! YES THERE IS A RISK HE COULD WIN! Yes I will vote for him, because I am smart enough to decide for my self!

Yes, he has many plans. Yes he wants to shrink the gov. :
A small government, cut cut and cut budget wherever he can without hurting the American people nor the economy.
He wants that the fruits of your labor stay with you: so every one can afford a health care coverage and take care of themselves, the government is not your NANY! Grow up and take responsibility for yourself and your family.
He doesn't want to put anybody who is dependant on the Medicare or Social security on the street, but give the ones who want to get out of it the possibility to do so.
He wants to let you choose, make your own choices, that's called liberty: Are you now afraid? Because since you were born you were used to the gov. taking your hand and showing you the 'RIGHT' way!? The way they think it is good for you!?

If we stop printing money out of the thin air and sending it overseas for useless wars, and an empire that is so costly (To the 'fact checker': the us has more than 170 army bases overseas) we are going to save more than what we are getting out of the income taxes MR. Pinocchio!

Dr. Paul is a man with integrity, a honest man, his folk in the different texas districts he is being elected since 10 terms, are not a single issue voters like the most of you! All they care about is that they have the chance to have a representative that is honest and close to them, is there when they need him and is not a puppet of the lobbies.

Sure, you got used to liars and dishonest people, who will never serve your interests but the interests of those who pays for their campaigns. You got in love with the hypocrites that you don't care any more about the person and their plans!!

Fortunately, people are waking up, they can't believe there luck, that there is a man out there, a honest man with integrity and principles, who is ready to sacrifice the next years of his life to restore the constitution, restore the republic and give you America back. WE THE PEOPLE.

Vote Congressman Dr. RON PAUL and be part of it.

Live free or die

Can I buy a vowel?

The vowel-challenged website RCRD LBL is up and running. It's a little indie label collaboration with free and legal MP3s to download. Whoo. Check out this remix of "D.A.N.C.E." featuring Mos Def and Spank Rock.

It's like yin and yang, dude

First read this, then check out this.

And all is right in the world.

You're not leaving the prison camp until you admit Hydrox are inferior to Oreos

This might be the greatest headline ever: Drug Deal Results in Cookie Torture. Notable excerpt from the story:

The suspects beat the man with a wooden paddle, burned his neck and shoulders with cookies immediately after taking them from the oven, shaved off some of his hair and poured urine over him from a soda bottle, Wells said.

How badly do fresh cookies hurt? This amazes me. What a waste of cookies. Every half-assed torturer from Guantanamo to Guanghzou knows the best method is the ole "car battery to the nuts" technique.

Carl's Jr. and Hardee's wants to kill you

I know we all love a little fast food once in a while. But whatever you do, don't ever fuck with the Carl's Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger. Check out this awesome sortable nutritional guide to fast food. Here's why the Double Six Dollar Burger got such a bad score:

Are you ready for this one? The Double Six Dollar Burger from Carl's Jr. contains an insane 1520 calories. That's not a typo. One sandwich contains more calories than some smaller females need... PER DAY. The 111 grams of fat isn't a typo either. That's more fat in one sandwich than most average sized men need per day. Carl's Jr. unfortunately does not provide the trans fat content of their foods, as I for one would have loved to have seen that number as well. Too bad.

America! Love it or leave it!

American gangster

My boy Johnny C. (who I've been friends with since the age of, I think, 15) sent me this picture of himself. I'm posting it here... because I can. I think this image can be summarized in one world: Classy!

World's. Second worst. people.

Are the fuckwits coming out of the woodwork today, or what? The latest bit of foolishness comes courtesy of four residents of Statesboro, Ga. who are filing mass voter qualification challenges in order to disenfranchise college students who want to vote in local elections. As usual, they mask their political cynicism in the nannying vocabulary of concerned guardians. A few choice nuggets of bullshit:

"If your students are voting at home, they have the advantage, or the maturity, of their parents to guide them," said Sarah Hines, who helped form the group to challenge the student voters

and

"The students are being misled - they were being told to vote for a certain candidate so the bars would remain open," Hines said. "That's not what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to know in our own hearts why we're voting for somebody."

It's amazing how well retarded people can figure out the motivations and internal judgement ability of other voters in an election. Oh well. I understand why they're afraid: They don't want the town turned into a typical college town. But why shouldn't it be? After all, half of the town's residents are students. Shouldn't they have the right to elect the leaders who represent their interests?

Worst. Person. Ever.

Paging Keith Olberman. I have a hunch that the NY Times has found the world's worst person. (The more I think about the kind of people who read the NY Times, the less I find it surprising that he or she is a Gray Lady letter-writer). The scumbag-in-question is the writer of a letter to the Times Magazine's "Ethicist" column. Here's the query:

My beloved sister, a human rights worker in Central America, has long received financial help from our parents. I earn enough to support a comfortable lifestyle. May I ask them to make a reckoning of their aid to my sister, subtracting it from any bequest they eventually make her, so that overall, she and I receive equal amounts?

— Name Withheld, Albuquerque

Yes, that's right. This person is asking whether he/she should count up how much his or her parents have given to the sister in support of her work as a human rights worker in Central America, so that he or she can get a bigger inheritance when they finally kick the bucket. All this despite being financially secure! The NYT answer is boring and a little too non-judgmental, frankly. I prefer Gawker's answer.

Wednesday footy links

There's been some great football coverage around the web lately. The NY Times usually doesn't get much past covering the World Cup and the occasional Red Bulls story, but they did a fine job with this article on Bayern Munich that delves into the financial peculiarities of playing in the Bundesliga. I wish more sports writers could do these kinds of stories that explain how the underlying business environment of a sport affects the action on the field.

I'm also a huge fan of ESPN's Phil Ball, who writes about La Liga for their website (he's also an author). The aptly-named Ball wrote a column this week about the Basque team Atletico Bilbao that really made me want to visit its home stadium.

The truly wonderful thing about Athletic is that the pre-match experience makes you feel that you're in some sort of sepia photograph, or in a Lowry painting. Unlike the modern tendency of clubs to re-locate to the urban margins, where the new stadium stands on the edge of an industrial estate or sleeps anonymously in the middle of a field, San Mamés is almost hidden by the blocks of flats and bars that surround it. It seems to grow out of the old urban structure, so that there is no disconnection whatsoever with the heart of the city itself.

More wide stances

Can we even be surprised by this sort of thing anymore?

Colbert's new column

Stephen Colbert writes a guest column for Maureen Dowd. Hilarity ensues.

Halloween 07

Di and I always enjoy celebrating Halloween. Last year, we hosted a party. Since we're in a new city and don't really have any friends here yet (don't worry, we've been meeting and hanging out with lots of new people, though) we decided to just give out candy and carve up a pumpkin. Gatsby, of course, insisted on dressing up.
I went all out in the jack 'o lantern department this year. I consider this year's jack o' lantern to be my Pumpkin Sistine Chapel.


It's a hunchbacked goblin holding a beaker full of bubbling magic potion. Unfortunately, only a dozen kids even came by, so not that many people actually saw it lit up. Wtf is wrong with people these days? Are they so afraid of molesters and whatnot (yes, I used that pseudo-word) that they won't let their kids bother neighbors for candy?

You can't stop him, you can only hope to contain him

Find out one basketball coach's advice on how best to cover teen wolf.

Friday bag o' fun

- Uniwatch, a blog devoted to chronicling sports uniforms, is a pretty good site. I just wish they talked more about soccer uniforms rather than just baseball and football. Frankly, soccer unis are far more creative and radical anyway, with so many more teams and more incentive to change the design from year to year. There is a good story today about the use of swastikas on hockey jerseys in the 1920s (before the Nazis took the symbol for themselves, of course).

- Warren Buffett wants his own taxes raised. He points out that he pays almost half the marginal tax rate that his secretary pays, even though his income is far higher than hers.

- Get your capirinhas and bikini waxes ready, Brazil will host the 2014 World Cup. The South American country hasn't hosted the tournament since 1950, so expect this to be a legendary party. I think i'd give my left foot to go.

Good stuff for today...

- Dave's Football Blog, a fairly new blog about the various forms of football (American football, soccer, the assorted types of Rugby) is a great read. There's a good bit of sports history and some great commentary on various issues, such as the recent NFL game in London. (Hint: The NFL spun it as a huge success, while the typical fish-and-chips eating Limey was quite non-plussed.)

- Ever wanted to own a professional sports team? Who wouldn't. I'm seriously intrigued by MyFootballClub.com. It's essentially a UK-based ownership trust that anyone can join for about $70 and that pledges to buy a football club. The concept of shareholder-owners is rare in the U.S. (the Green Bay Packers being a major exception), but this is really interesting. So far the top choice of the shareholders is to acquire Leeds United, a once-proud club that has fallen on hard times and is now two leagues below the Premiership. (Hint: This would make an awesome Christmas gift for that football lover in you life. cough. cough.)

- Don Vito, a Philadelphia-bred character from a certain MTV show was convicted of sexual assualt. Apparently he didn't take it too well:

"You might as well kill me now," as well as, "I can't f---ing spend the rest of my life in jail," "you cops lied" and "you can rot in f---ing hell!"

PINKEYE... the silent annoyer

The Onion has a bunch of hilarious magazine covers. Enjoy them here.

Worth reading...

Here are some goodies around the web today:

• I don't follow MLS much, preferring to watch La Liga and the UEFA Champions League much more, but SI has a chat with MLS Commissioner Don Garber. In it, Garber proves what a complete fucking idiot he is. It scares me that the future of U.S. professional soccer is in his hands. He appears to loathe the sport itself and completely discounts the way it's organized and funded in every other country it's played in.
  
  
  
• Google is trying to get a bunch of software developers and social networking sites together to form a social networking "platform" that will take on Facebook. So far the NY Times mentions Salesforce, LinkedIn, Friendster (this still exists?), hi5, Oracle, etc. I kind of like this idea, in a way. The biggest problem I have with social networking sites is that they all feel too "flavor of the week." In other words, I wonder if two months after I sign up for one, all the cool kids will have found a new site to use, leaving the mouth-breathing masses behind. Some type of standard platform could conceivably allow, for example, LinkedIn users (business people, generally) to interact with Orkut users (Brazilians, generally). You get 15 or 20 smaller social networking sites to plug into a much larger universe and it might attract a lot of people who want flexiblity.
  
  
• Rocks, paper, scissors -- the ultimate game of chance has a governing body. Enjoy pretending that random luck involves strategy. Make sure you read up on the 27 ridiculous "gambits."
  

Get me a lattte, and put out that fire while you're at it

If you're going to be the victim of a natural disaster, some natural disasters are apparently much better than others. For instance, you probably don't want to live in a poor, mostly black city that votes Democratic. As the AP and several others have noticed since yesterday, the government 's response to the wildfires in San Diego County have looked like a precision military operation compared to the half-assed and shameful non-response to Hurricane Katrina.

For instance, while the media and elected officials propagated made-up stories of savagery in New Orleans, the displaced people at San Diego's shelters get treated like royalty (or at least a celebrity rehab center):

Bands belted out rock 'n' roll, lavish buffets served gourmet entrees, and massage therapists helped relieve the stress for those forced to flee their homes because of wildfires.

"The people are happy. They have everything here," Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger declared Monday night after his second Qualcomm tour.

Although anxieties ran high, the misery index seemed low as the celebrity governor waded through the mob. Scarcely a complaint was registered with him.

Before I die...

Before I die, I'd like to enjoy the following experiences:
- watch the following soccer matches: Boca Plate v. River Plate, Flamengo v. Fluminense, Lazio v. Roma and Rangers v. Celtic and most of all, Real Madrid v. Barcelona
- take train trips though the Canadian Rockies and Switzerland
- attend the Super Bowl (for the football, but mainly for the parties)
- visit Rio de Janeiro
- visit Hong Kong during the Chinese New Year
- fly in space
- be eating waffles at 3 a.m. at Waffle House after a night of heavy drinking and witness an argument between two Waffle House employees that results in one of them getting all stabby.

Schrute Farms

If you're ever looking for a quaint bed and breakfast to stay at in rural Northeastern Pennsylvania, look no further than Schrute Farms. The star attraction here is the beets... all kinds of beet dishes and beet treats. Plus no other agro-tourism destination features the hospitality of one Cousin Mose (pictured), the sidekick of proprietor Dwight Schrute. Check out the reviews over at tripadvisor.

Cousinly love

You probably saw all the coverage today of reports that T-L's boy, Barack Obama, is the eighth cousin of Dick "Shotgun" Cheney. The NY Post covered it in its typical retarded fashion here. CNN teased with the story that Obama and Satan Himself were "cousins." (I happened to be at the gym at the time and nearly flew off the treadmill.)

The problem, though, is that most journalists have so little understanding of genealogy that they throw these things out there without any context. So assuming Lynn Cheney's amateur family tree is correct (a huge assumption in the first place), we've only established the fact that Obama and Cheney share a common ancestor from 10 generations ago. It's not that impressive when you consider the fact that any two common ancestors from 20 generations ago (around the time of Columbus' stumble upon the New World) would have between 600,000 and 1 million descendents today. And if you go to some point between 75 and 150 generations ago (the first or second millienium BC), you'll probably find the lucky bloke who is the ancestor of all human beings alive today.

If you're reading this, there's a not-to-bad chance you're a cousin of Dick Cheney, too. You're welcome.

Gay primer

A former colleague (who was probably the best boss I ever worked for) in Boston has a new blog. Lucky for us breeders, he gives a quick rundown of the various segments of the gay community. Tip: "bears" might be as frightening as, you know, actual bears.

Rogue state

A single nation on the entire planet is so far outside of the mainstream of world opinion. Guess which one....

In December, the United Nations took up a resolution calling for the abolition of life imprisonment without the possibility of parole for children and young teenagers. The vote was 185 to 1. This country was the one vote against.

This country re-elected an incumbent president who would have lost by a whopping 88% to 11% vote if the world's citizen's had been allowed to cast ballots.

This country is known to possess three types of weapons of mass destruction: nuclear weapons, chemical weapons and biological weapons, and it is the only country to have used nuclear weapons in combat.

Fully 59% of this country's citizens say they believe the events in the Book of Revelation are going to come true, and nearly one-quarter think the Bible predicted the Sept. 11 attack.

This country contributes less foreign aid on a per-capita basis than almost any other industrialized nation, yet its citizens routinely perceive the country as more generous than it actually is. The average citizen believes that this nation spends 24 percent of its budget on assistance to developing nations, more than 20 times the actual figure.

This is the only industrialized country that doesn't provide free universal health coverage to its citizens. It also has the second-highest infant mortality rate in the industrialized world.

Polls demonstrate that the global community is concerned with this country's levels of nationalism and religiosity and the United States’ tendency to sacrifice social safety nets. The polls also reveal that the world sees this country as dishonest, avaricious, and violent.

Since the end of its civil war in 1865 (fought over the right to hold slaves), the country has fought wars against or militarily occupied the following countries at one point or another (often on multiple occasions in different decades): Cuba, Puerto Rico, Guam, the Phillipines, Mexico, Panama, the Dominican Republic, Nicaragua, China, Russia, Korea, Vietnam, Lebanon, Grenada, Iraq, Yugoslavia and Afghanistan.

We should think about some of these things next time we hear phrases like Axis of Evil and Rogue Nation tossed around.

Worst. Parody. Ever.

Joe Barton, the ranking Republican on the House Energy and Commerce Committee issued a press release that uses (badly) the Simpsons characters Mayor Quimby and Monty Burns to characterize the SCHIP children's healthcare coverage as prone to abuse by, of all people, rich Republican industrialists (I guess). If you can make sense of it, bravo. I'm just amazed that a congressman would put out a "Children's Healthcare Fact of the Day" web page that looks like it was made by a 15-year-old.

Stabbing the Statue of Liberty in the eye

I don't get to catch Bill Maher's HBO show often, but the guy is still one of the wittiest people in the entire country (right up there with Colbert). His recent monologue about Obama's decision to forego wearing one of those patronizing flag pins on his lapel was a work of art.

Some quips:

- "Show me a man wearing an American flag pin in his lapel, and I'll show you an asshole."

- "Another in a series of bullshit non-stories that have zero effect on the troops, the war, or anything in the real world. Or, as Fox calls it: Breaking news."

- "This is typical press hypocrisy. They say they want someone who doesn't give pat political answers, but when they get one, they call them a loser. They say they don't want safe robots like [Sen. Hillary Clinton], but they create conditions where only that species can survive."

and perhaps my favorite:

- "Of course, the Republicans are the party of Mark Foley, and Ted Haggard, and Larry Craig, and countless other closeted homosexuals... so their fixation on jewelry is understandable."

Go here for the video.

Put the game on and bring me my beer!

When you just want to go out with friends and have a few cocktails and socialize, a sports bar's tacky decor, hyperactive TVs and spilled-beer stink can ruin the fun. On the other hand, when you're a Philadelphia Eagles fan stuck in places like Providence, R.I. and Atlanta, Ga., a good Sunday sports bar is a must. This summary of what goes into creating the perfect sports bar is just sublime. (Hint: The sports bar in the picture is probably not the greatest sports bar ever. Just a guess.)

Now ad free

Fuck Google AdSense. For some crazy reason I acutally thought their crappy ads would give the blog some kind of Interwebs Authority as a legitimate site. What the hell was I thinking? Oh well, now I can't count on that 2.23 cents I was due to earn this year.

Keeping up with the NY Times readers

I routinely get enjoyment out of looking at which stories are listed on the "Most Read" index on the NY Times homepage. The relative interest in the various stories reveals a lot about the kind of people who read The Times: they come off looking like anxiety-riddled, over-protective, upper-middle-class parents. Top concerns include ANYTHING to do with college admissions or pre-school admissions, any trend story involving parenting, any trend story involving money and any trend story involving Expensive Things Other Upper Middle Class People Like Me Might Be Buying.

Today the Times' top read was a story about how children's picky eating habits might be inherited from their parents. The story angle itself wasn't toooooo obnoxious, but you have to love this little paragraph:

Over in New Jersey, the Bakers changed their November family vacation to accommodate Sasha, an 11-year-old so averse to fruits and vegetables that the smell of orange juice once made him faint. Instead of flying to Prague, Sasha’s parents decided to go to Barcelona, where they hope the food will be more to his liking.

So poor little Sasha had to spend his summer traipsing around Catalonia instead of Bohemia? For shame! What kind of maniacal, overbearing parents reschedule their entire summer trip because the spoiled brat doesn't like a cup of o.j.?

Gold-diggers and Beethoven stretchers

The Freakanomics Blog has a nice little post on the economics of "gold diggers" (the types Kanye rapped about, not cranky bearded prospectors). It's a great little response to a craigslist poster asking for unspecific advice on how to snag a man who makes $500,000 or more per year.

Fun with music: A couple of Norwegians have taken Beethoven's 9th Symphony and stretched it into a looooong and slooooooow 24-hour-long orchestral piece. You can listen to it online and apparently it will actually be performed live eventually.

On a related note, another software wizard compressed every Beatles album into a trippy one-hour MP3. Instead of speeding up the recordings (which would make McCartney and Lennon sound like Alvin, Simon and Theodore they used software that with a little logarithmic magic can cut out the unimportant bits of audio data and allow users to change tempos without affecting pitch. (This has been around for a few years and the program Acid is particularly useful for this kind of basement trickery.)

Also, I'm starting a new tab for any money/economics related posts called "c.r.e.a.m." Fellow Wu-Tang fans will understand.

This is why the terrorists hate us

Sometimes we stumble upon a website that at first seems to be an elaborate practical joke. Then we realize there really are retards who ascribe to the website's sociopathic worldview. This is one of those sites.

Back from Nashville

Di and I got back from Nashville. It was a swell weekend (ugh, I'm starting to talk like a gosh-darn Southerner). We started off our trip by taking a major side excursion up to Dawsonville, Ga. so that Dionne could do some shopping at the outlet stores.

I was fine with that, on two conditions: she had to let me stop in the Adidas and Puma stores (I'm still a euro-trash raver at heart) and I would be able to devise a back route to get us back to I-75, the main highway between Atlanta and Chattanooga, Tenn.

The shopping highlight: Finding some incredible deals in the Adidas outlet, including the Adidas Superster IIs with graffiti designs on them. They also had a bunch of really cool t-shirts with national (soccer/footie) team designs. My favorite was a bright yellow, green and red Cameroon shirt with a huge lion head design on the back. What can I say, I like bright shit like that.

After we left, I figured out that we could take a little two-lane back road through the North Georgia mountains. It turned out to be about a 60-mile drive through windy, hilly terrain on a day with absolutely perfect Indian summer weather. In fact, the drive up to Nashville was suprisingly scenic. Chattanooga is quite an attractive city. It's perched on the bank of a winding river and has huge bluffs overlooking downtown from every direction. Reminded me a bit of Pittsburgh, actually. Just a bit northwest of Chattanooga is Lake Nickajack. Route 24 took us right across the lake and gave us some great views of the southern Appalachians.

Once in Nashville we stayed with Di's parents. Saturday morning I went with my father-in-law to their church (it's Episcopal, if you're curious) for the Men's Club saturday morning breakfast. I somehow received a round of applause when he introduced me to the crowd of men in their 50s and 60s (who were all named Jerry and Dale, if I recall). After a quick meal of sausage biscuits we spent the morning doing repairs on the church and rectory. My father in law was especially useful for his electrical/lighting prowess, which meant the other Men's Club members treated us all day long like we were Edison and Tesla themselves.

Not much else really happened. Di's parents treated us to a nice Second Anniversary dinner on Saturday night at J. Alexander's, a nice steakhouse in Brentwood, near Nashville. The drive up and back really inspired Di and I to get some camping done, so now we're planning to do a little camping trip in the next few weeks at one of the parks in North Georgia. We just need to stock up on some equipment first: hiking boots, a second warm sleeping bag, a lantern and a small camp stove.

All the way to Nashville

Di and I are driving to Nashville this weekend. It will be our first mini-trip out of Atlanta since we moved down here (we've barely ventured outside our neighborhood, let alone much Georgia or the south in general). We're visiting her parents. Should be nice.

Also, check out this great article on China.

Nightmare fuel

You didn't really think that creepy fat guy who managed all the boy bands in the mid-90s was just an interested music fan, did you? It turns out that Lou Pearlman's story is even worse than we thought:

One person recalls him spreading his legs while wearing a white terrycloth robe and matching underwear, then uttering the not-quite-Mae-Westian come-on "You're a smart boy. Figure it out."

I don't can't decide whether this is hilarious or creepy. I'm gonna go with both.

Taco me

Some people might find this crazy, but some of us have a strange addiction to tracking down the best tacos in town. Now that I'm in Atlanta, home to about a million more Mexican immigrants than Rhode Island, I plan to explore as many taquerias as possible.

That's also the mission behind the ingenious blog called The Burrito Bracket. A Chicago blogger is running a tournament of Mexican food (burritos, as well as tacos and tortas).

I particulary enjoyed his (or her) take on just what it is that makes a truly great taco: corn tortillas (NEVER flour!), quality meat and a mixture of ciltantro and onions (never tomatoes, lettuce, etc.). Amen.

Won't anybody think of the children?

So the Senate voted overwhelmingly in favor of expanding the program that provides health coverage to children from low-income families. The problem, is that even though 19 Republican senators supported the bill, Dubya appears likely to veto it, calling it a "big government bill" (nevermind the fact that he's been running huge budget deficits for the last six years and flushing billions down the toilet that is the Iraq war).

The curious aspect of this whole debate is how it relates to what everyone seems to feel is the inevitablity of socialized medicine in this country.

For instance, many on the left have adopted a position of "lets watch the politicians and insurance companies piss so many people off that they eventually demand universal single-payer healthcare." It's the whole "let it break down" position. You let your opponents neglect something for so long that an opposite reaction eventually occurs.

So while some of the dimmer Republicans like John Cornyn of Texas grouse that this bill is a step toward socialized medicine, the more astute ones (like Sen. Bob Corker) realize that a small compromise such as this one will actually delay a radical reorganization of healthcare and preserve the status quo.

Senator Bob Corker, Republican of Tennessee, said those fears were unfounded.

“What will move our country toward socialized medicine is not this bill, which focuses on poor children, but the lack of action to allow people in need to have access to private affordable health care,” Mr. Corker said.

Message board atom bomb

I happened to be reading one of the message boards over at Slate, and one poster took umbrage at a conservative poster's statment that Republicans "know the difference between wrong and right." Somehow, this was his insane/somewhat funny reply. disclaimer: who the hell knows if half of this stuff is even true or who compiled any of it in the first place. so please don't sue me for libel. ;) ....

Republicans know the difference between wrong and right.." ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! DO YOU NOT KNOW OF THE MYRIAD OF SEX SCANDALS THE RETHUGS HAVE BEEN CAUGHT UP IN? * Republican prosecutor John David Roy Atchison was arrested for soliciting sex from a 5-year old girl. At the time of his arrest, Atchison was an "assistant U.S. attorney" appointed by President Bush's attorney general. * Republican city councilman John Bryan killed himself after police began investigating allegations that he had molested three girls, including two of his adopted daughters, ages 12 and 15. * Republican legislator Ted Klaudt was charged with raping girls under the age of 16. * Republican city councilman Joseph Monteleone Jr. was found guilty of fondling underage girls. * Republican congressional aide Jeffrey Nielsen was arrested for having sex with a 14-year old boy. * Republican County Commissioner Patrick Lee McGuire surrendered to police after allegedly molesting girls between the ages of 8 and 13. * Republican prosecutor Larry Corrigan was arrested for soliciting sex from 13-year old girls. * Republican Mayor Jeffrey Kyle Randall was sentenced to 275 days in jail for molesting two boys -- ages ten and 12 -- during a six-year period. * Republican County Board Candidate Brent Schepp was charged with molesting a 14-year old girl and killed himself three days later. * Republican Congressman Mark Foley abruptly resigned from Congress after "sexually explicit" emails surfaced showing him flirting with a 16-year old boy. * Republican executive Randall Casseday of the conservative Washington Times newspaper pleaded guilty to soliciting sex from a 13-year old girl on the internet. * Republican chairman of the Oregon Christian Coalition Lou Beres confessed to molesting a 13-year old girl. * Republican County Constable Larry Dale Floyd pleaded guilty to charges of soliciting sex from an 8-year old girl. Floyd has repeatedly won elections for Denton County, Texas, constable. * Republican judge Mark Pazuhanich pleaded no contest to fondling a 10-year old girl and was sentenced to 10 years probation. * Republican Party leader Bobby Stumbo was arrested for having sex with a 5-year old boy. * Republican petition drive manager Tom Randall pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of 14, one of them the daughter of an associate in the petition business. * Republican County Chairman Armando Tebano pleaded guilty to fondling a 14-year-old girl. * Republican teacher and former city councilman John Collins pleaded guilty to sexually molesting 13 and 14 year old girls. * Republican campaign worker Mark Seidensticker is a convicted child molester. * Republican Mayor Philip Giordano is serving a 37-year sentence in federal prison for sexually abusing 8- and 10-year old girls. * Republican Mayor Tom Adams was arrested for distributing child pornography over the internet. * Republican Mayor John Gosek was arrested on charges of soliciting sex from two 15-year old girls. * Republican County Commissioner David Swartz pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of 11 and was sentenced to 8 years in prison. * Republican legislator Edison Misla Aldarondo was sentenced to 10 years in prison for raping his daughter between the ages of 9 and 17. * Republican Committeeman John R. Curtin was convicted of molesting an underage teenage boy and sentenced to serve six to 18 months in prison. * Republican anti-abortion activist Howard Scott Heldreth is a convicted child rapist in Florida. * Republican zoning supervisor, Boy Scout leader and Lutheran church president Dennis L. Rader pleaded guilty to performing a sexual act on an 11-year old girl he murdered. * Republican anti-abortion activist Nicholas Morency pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer and offering a bounty to anybody who murders an abortion doctor. * Republican campaign consultant Tom Shortridge was sentenced to three years probation for taking nude photographs of a 15-year old girl. * Republican racist pedophile and United States Senator Strom Thurmond had sex with a 15-year old black girl which produced a child. * Republican pastor Mike Hintz, whom George W. Bush commended during the 2004 presidential campaign, surrendered to police after admitting to a sexual affair with a female juvenile. * Republican legislator Peter Dibble pleaded no contest to having an inappropriate relationship with a 13-year-old girl. * Republican advertising consultant Carey Lee Cramer was sentenced to six years in prison for molesting two 8-year old girls, one of whom appeared in an anti-Gore television commercial. * Republican fundraiser Lawrence E. King, Jr. organized child sex parties at the White House during the 1980s. * Republican lobbyist Craig J. Spence organized child sex parties at the White House during the 1980s. * Republican Congressman Donald "Buz" Lukens was found guilty of having sex with a female minor and sentenced to one month in jail. * Republican fundraiser Richard A. Delgaudio was found guilty of child porn charges and paying two teenage girls to pose for sexual photos. * Republican activist Mark A. Grethen convicted on six counts of sex crimes involving children. * Republican campaign chairman Randal David Ankeney pleaded guilty to attempted sexual assault on a child and was arrested again five years later on the same charge. * Republican Congressman Dan Crane had sex with a female minor working as a congressional page. * Republican activist and Christian Coalition leader Beverly Russell admitted to an incestuous relationship with his step daughter. * Republican Judge Ronald C. Kline pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography on his home computer. * Republican congressman and anti-gayactivist Robert Bauman was charged with having sex with a 16-year-old boy he picked up at a gay bar. * Republican Committee Chairman Jeffrey Patti was arrested for distributing a video clip of a 5-year-old girl being raped. * Republican activist Marty Glickman (a.k.a. "Republican Marty"), was taken into custody by Florida police on four counts of unlawful sexual activity with an underage girl and one count of delivering the drug LSD. * Republican legislative aide Howard L. Brooks was charged with molesting a 12-year old boy and possession of child pornography. * Republican Senate candidate John Hathaway was accused of having sex with his 12-year old baby sitter and withdrew his candidacy after the allegations were reported in the media. * Republican preacher Stephen White, who demanded a return to traditional values, was sentenced prison after offering $20 to a 14-year-old boy for permission to perform oral sex on him. * Republican talk show host JonMatthews pleaded guilty to exposing his genitals to an 11 year old girl. * Republican anti-gay activist Earl "Butch" Kimmerling was sentenced to 40 years in prison for molesting an 8-year old girl after he attempted to stop a gay couple from adopting her. * Republican Party leader Paul Ingram pleaded guilty to six counts of raping his daughters and served 14 years in federal prison. * Republican election board official KevinCoan was sentenced to two years probation for soliciting sex over the internet from a 14-year old girl. * Republican politician Andrew Buhr was charged with two counts of first degree sodomy with a 13-year old boy. * Republican legislator Keith Westmoreland was arrested on seven felony counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition to girls under the age of 16 (i.e. exposing himself to children). * Republican anti-abortion activist John Allen Burt was found guilty of molesting a 15-year old girl. * Republican County Councilman Keola Childs pleaded guilty to molesting a male child. * Republican activist John Butler was charged with criminal sexual assault on a teenage girl. * Republican candidate Richard Gardner admitted to molesting his two daughters. * Republican Councilman and former Marine Jack W. Gardner was convicted of molesting a 13-year old girl. * Republican County Commissioner Merrill Robert Barter pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual contact and assault on a teenage boy. * Republican City Councilman Fred C. Smeltzer, Jr. pleaded no contest to raping a 15 year-old girl and served 6-months in prison. * Republican activist Parker J. Bena pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography on his home computer and was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison and fined $18,000. * Republican parole board officer and former Colorado state representative, Larry Jack Schwarz, was fired after child pornography was found in his possession. * Republican strategist and Citadel Military College graduate Robin Vanderwall was convicted in Virginia on five counts of soliciting sex from boys and girls over the internet. * Republican city councilman Mark Harris, who is described as a "good military man" and "church goer," was convicted of repeatedly having sex with an 11-year-old girl and sentenced to 12 years in prison. * Republican businessman Jon Grunseth withdrew his candidacy for Minnesota governor after allegations surfaced that he went swimming in the nude with four underage girls, including his daughter. * Republican campaign worker, police officer and self-proclaimed reverend Steve Aiken was convicted of having sex with two underage girls. * Republican director of the "Young Republican Federation" Nicholas Elizondo molested his 6-year old daughter and was sentenced to six years in prison. * Republican president of the New York City Housing Development Corp. Russell Harding pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer. * Republican benefactor of conservative Christian groups, Richard A. Dasen Sr., was found guilty of raping a 15-year old girl. Dasen, 62, who is married with grown children and several grandchildren, has allegedly told police that over the past decade he paid more than $1 million to have sex with a large number of young women. * Republican Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld authorized the rape of children in Iraqi prisons in order to humiliate their parents into providing information about the anti-American insurgency. See excerpt of one prisoner's report here and his full report here. AND THESE ARE THE ONE WE KNOW ABOUT!

Yes, we really blog about this crap

Blogger just added a new mini-feature that allows you to look at what photos people are posting to their blogs in real time. It's gimmicky, yes, but it interesting to see what ridiculous photos people are blogging about at any given time.

The day Rove left and never came back

This Onion article about Karl Rove leaving the Bush White House is just classic.

While sneaking the departing official out to a waiting town car, Secret Service agents were briefly able to deceive Bush by telling him Rove was just running down to the cellar to get him some ice cream. But when Bush heard the car's engine start in the driveway, he burst outside to stop Rove.

"I'll never forget the sight of the president, watching Rove's face in the back window becoming smaller and smaller as the car pulled away forever," Rice said.

Your fan is trying to kill you

Apparently Koreans widely believe that leaving a fan on while you sleep is deadly. I think Dubya needs to read this. It presents us with an easy way of toppling the Kim Jong Il region: the window fan airdrop.

The beauty of beauty pageants

More house pics...

Here's a little slide show of our new home in Atlanta that Dionne put together. Enjoy.

Shhhhhhhhhhh

Dear New York Times. Shut up shut up shut up shut up. Shut Up!

You know that feeling of knowing something no one else knows about, then some big mouth comes along and tells all the rich, obnoxious people about it? That's how I felt when I saw the Times' "we discovered this unspoiled gem" story on the Rhode Island town of Narragansett.

As a former resident of the great little state of R.I. (Mrs. T-L and I already miss the place after only a month), I always loved Narragansett. It's got some of the better beaches in the state, nice bars and restaurants, and is just a cool little town that gets very little of the obnoxious NY license plates and hedge fund zombies that Newport, Jamestown, Block Island, etc. get in the summertime. So much for that.

My irony detector started smoking when I came across this sentence toward the bottom listing the town's Pros and Cons. (This was one of the cons.)

This fishing village and the downtown Pier area are in danger of being overly commercialized by developers who see an opportunity to tap into the growing interest in the neighborhood.

But the very same out-of-towners who read the New York Times are pretty much the exact group of people driving this kind of development and spoiling of smaller New England towns. The article even goes into detail on real estate prices, so you know before long the town will be completely bought up by New Yorkers looking for vacation homes.

Explanation for Minnesota bridge collapse

I stumbled upon this 2005 Onion parody that (creepily) explains why the bridge might have collapsed over Minnesota last week.

Where I'm at

I really do apologize for the lack of posting lately, but there's been so much change lately that I've barely had any time for blogging. Two weeks ago Dionne and I bought our first home: A condo in Atlanta. It's very exciting. The place costs us far less than we would have ever found a home for in Rhode Island, and I'm getting settled into my new job while Dionne prepares to start her ph.d program in a couple weeks.

The move was crazy and back-breaking. I flew back to R.I. last thursday, we packed the truck up all day Friday, had dinner and drinks with friends for one last time Friday night and then hit the road early Saturday with all of our belongings packed up.

We got into town Sunday and, with the generous help of family and friends here, we unloaded the truck in an hour or two.

That's when the real work began! We needed some new furniture, a new washer and dryer, new blinds and curtains and paint on the bathroom walls. Plus about 30 other little projects that we've barely even started. Plus the condo was piled high with boxes everywhere.

Luckily we've gotten quite a bit done over the past few days and are now starting to make some progress. The place is great... two bedrooms, two and half baths, new appliances, a deck, a community with a pool and tennis court, etc. Here's the picture of our new home:

The world's best gallon of milk

You know what I'm talking about, right? None other than Amazon's most special Tuscan milk. And it's not even from Tuscany!

The perfect open letter...

The open letter is a tough act to pull off. Mostly they just come off as sanctimonious and preening. This is a few years old now, but check out David Cross's open letter to Larry The Cable Guy. That, kids, is how you bitchslap someone.

Lesbian gangs taking over...

That's right, Lesbian gangs are on the loose and taking over:

Sudamerica!

I consider myself truly lucky to have done a fair amount of travel so far in my lifetime. I've visted many, many places in the northeastern U.S. (thanks to a father who flew the family around in a small plane, years of camping trips as a boy scout and later a wife who loves travelling as much as I do). I've also seen quite a bit of the southeastern U.S., Ontario, Quebec, a few great cities out west such as San Francisco (perhaps one of the greatest cities I'll ever see) and Denver and quite a bit of Western Europe: southern France, London, Amsterdam, Rome and Florence.

Now, I wouldn't turn down a return trip to the continent (Spain, Germany and Czech Republic would all be great), but where I really want to travel is South America. Maybe it's the sheer beauty of the place and the sheer exuberance that attracts me, but I think I better start taking spanish lesson. Ole!

Here's a great blog post I stumbled upon today that lists the top 18 skylines in the world. Only one, Sao Paolo, is from South America, but I've seen enough pictures of some other great Sudamericano skylines to know I need to experience these places before I die:

Caracas

Lima

Montevideo

La Paz

And the most beautiful of all, Rio de Janeiro:

Argggggh, David Chase!

In case you've been under a rock, The Sopranos finale was tonight. Luckily my sis-in-law Simone has the Hibbo, so I could watch it. Unfortunately, the show is written by David Chase, a complete wanker, who apparently decided that writers shouldn't, ya know, tie up loose ends in the plot and provide viewers with a sense of resolution. No, he had to get all abstract on us and present a completely ridiculous non-ending that allows the show to end without any of the big questions being answered.

I know writers and directors like to leave some questions unanswered, but a plot-driven show like this needs an ending. Not answering the big question of whether or not Tony was killed isn't creative or abstract... it's gutless and limp, and admits to viewers that the show's producer has lost all passion for the project. He wanted to kill off the show but apparently lacks the guts to kill of its hero.

U.S National Team update

Since I know you're all dying for info and commentary on the U.S. soccer team's 4-1 victory over China yesterday, here ya go.

People don't just visit, they move out here

Those are the words of Jermaine Dupri in the classic "Welcome to Atlanta" remix. Well, in our case, that's definitely true. Thing are moving forward quickly for Di and I. I spent my first week at my new job, learning about the place and getting settled in.

This new job is at a much smaller company than anywhere else I've ever worked and there are a lot of things different about it. For instance, the president of the company has his own blog and we're all expected to read it first thing in the morning. It's actually kind of a good way for him to let everyone know what he's thinking. We also post comments on the blog that sorta lay out a few of the things we'll be working that day.

For those who don't know, my job involves editing and writing for a monthly business newspaper/magazine. It's focused on a county in the Atlanta area, which happens to be one of, if not THE most booming parts of the region. It's nice because the paper is only three years old, which means the president wants me to look at ways of improving the product and how we can branch out, tighten up the print edition and just take advantage of new ideas and a fresh perspective. It's very cool. The president, who hired me, seems to have a very strong personality and lots of charisma. It's definitely not the kind of job where he says one thing and you do another. His word is gospel, but he's obviously very willing to listen to his employees, compliment them and do nice things for them. I think the arrangement will work very well.

Perhaps the biggest cloud hanging over my head, though, is on the housing front. I'm staying with Di's sister right now who's extremely gracious for having me, but our plan is to buy a condo down here this summer and get moved in sometime next month. It should be exciting. Of course, it's also incredibly stressful. We're tying to stay within our budget and avoid paying a big mortgage on our first home. Still, it should be enough for us to get a small 2-bedroom townhouse in a decent neighborhood. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Making money off Cameroonian typos

Sometimes I think this interwebs thing is less a reflection of the human world than some kind of animal kingdom: there are the kings of the jungle (Amazon, YouTube, eBay, etc.) and then there are the bottom feeders (the guys who junk up the web and just hope you're dumb enough to find yourself on a crappy ad-choked faux website).

Kevin Ham is the latter. He's made millions of dollars by buying up crappy domain names in the hope that enough stupid people will just type random names into the URL window on their browsers. And they do.

And when they do, guys like Ham are there to show you millions of useless text ads, and hey, maybe you're gullible to actually click through some of them. They actually make a nice living building completely pointless websites (ok, that's half the internet, but still...).

Here's an awesome profile of the "domainers." I especially like how they've worked out an arrangement with the Cameroonian government to steer all traffic to their pages when people accidentally mis-type ".com."

The plan is in motion

Wow. What a summer this is shaping up to be. It turns out I'll be moving down to Atlanta in about a week from now. I landed a job last Friday at a small publishing and marketing firm that produces a monthly business magazine in one of Atlanta's more booming suburban counties.

I've long wanted to find a job that would combine the aspects of the media business I like most: high-quality journalism and innovative use of technology. I spent about two hours meeting with my future boss last week and I feel like it's the kind of place that will take advantage of my skills and creativity a little more than where I'm at now.

So I'm heading down south over the holiday weekend. I'll be back up north for a couple of weddings next month. Then hopefully by July Dionne and I can find a condo to buy. So far we're blown away by how cheap real estate is.

Eating on $21 a week

Luckily this isn't the latest Rachel Ray show. It's actually a sort of "experiment" by two members of congress to spend only $21 per week on food. That's the amount the typical food stamp recipient has. And well, you can see from their blog that stretching $21 is NOT easy. Yikes.

Welcome to Atlanta

We stand at the vanguard of time and the precipice of history (I feel like Dwight giving his Il Duce speech on "The Office"). Wow. We've got a lot going on here in the biggest little state. It's looking more and more like the whole migration south could be happening before we know it. In honor of my soon-to-be new home, here are some amazingly cool graffiti-inspired sneakers that pay homage to Atlanta:

Man killed in dance-off

Instead of assigning reporters to cover the babysitting grandma beat, why can't they put them where they're really needed: Like giving us more information about how a 48-year-old Connecticut man died in a parking lot dance-off.

I feel like this AP story leaves too many questions unanswered. Why was everyone laughing at him? What song was he dancing to? Is this an impromptu dance-off or is it a regularly scheduled affair? What exact move was he trying to pull off? And what is a 48-year-old man doing in a dance off anyway?

I say cut the grandma babysitter story and give about 20 inches of newspaper column to the best dance-off reporter you have available. C'mon!

Another ridiculous trend story

The NY Times hits us with yet another made-up trend story today. Now the latest fake fad is "The Incredible Flying Granny Nanny." The gist is that there is this new breed of grandparents who fly around the country on a weekly basis to babysit the grandkids.

The only problem is that the reporter doesn't have any hard evidence of this supposed trend other than some anecdotal evidence (almost always culled from the upper crust social circle of the New York media elite).

Here's a tip for readers... If you suspect a bogus trend story look for sentences like these from the "Flying Granny Nanny" story:

There are no figures on how many grandparents go to extremes, because they can afford to, to care for their children’s children.

These stories always have a sentence about how there are no figures or statistics to measure whatever the supposed trend is. Journalists shouldn't be slaves to statistics, but that doesn't mean they should just look at a few well-off people around them and pronounce all their indulgences as society-wide trends.

A pizza for the homeless

A convicted murderer in Tennessee is requesting that prison officials deliver a pizza to a homeless man in lieu of his last meal. State officals are refusing on the absurd grounds that it would be a burden on taxpayers (because, you know, getting a pizza delivered to a homeless shelter would cost millions of dollars).

It doesn't stop there, though. The convict's original trial was apparently tainted by a lying witness and questionable ballistics evidence. His lawyer is saying the 1981 shooting of a Memphis police officer may have been a friendly fire incident, presumably from another cop at the scene.

And that's not all: Tennessee can't even prove to the higher courts that its procedure for lethal injections doesn' constitute cruel and unusual punishment. What a disgraceful story.

Noah's Ark gets all wiki-fied

A group of non-profits are funding a huge project called the Encyclopedia of Life, which will catalog the Earth's 1.8 million known living species. I'm kind of surprised Wikipedia hasn't done it already, but apparently it's not exactly a walk around the park... you need a lot of people to help you.

Yes, Paris Hilton actually has fans

And as you might have guessed, they're not the brightest lot the world has ever seen. Here's a letter one of them wrote to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger pleading for our favorite hotel heiress's pardon:

To: The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
State Capitol Building
Sacramento, CA 95814

Dear Governor Schwarzenegger:

Let me first begin by saying that I grew up as a child enjoying all of your wonderful films. You really are the truly great action hero for our time. You are doing a great job in the great state of California.

I would like to bring a matter to your attention that you may or may not already be aware of due to the excessive media coverage this matter has received recently:

Paris Whitney Hilton is 26 year old American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives. Hilton is notable for her leading roles on the FOX reality series The Simple Life and in the remake of the Vincent Price horror classic “House of Wax”. In addition to her work as an actress, she has achieved some recognition as a model, celebrity spokesperson, singer, and writer.

As most of America now knows, Ms. Hilton was just charged in a Los Angeles court with DUI and sentenced to 45 days in Century Regional Detention Facility in California beginning on or before June 5, 2007.

We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. I do not support drunk driving or condone a person being spared from DUI charges. Paris should have been sober. But she shouldn’t go to jail, either. As depicted on Friday night’s episode “Nancy Grace” on Headline News (May 4, 2007), countless celebrities have been “slapped on the wrist” for similar incidents recently. Nick Nolte, Mel Gibson, Tracy Morgan, Wynonna Judd, to name a few, were arrested and never did a day in jail after their initial arrests for drunk driving /DUI /DWI charges. Rappers Busta Rhymes and Eve still walk free after both being arrested for the same charges as Ms. Hilton just this past week.

Singer/actress Brandy Norwood’s California Highway accident, although no proof of DUI was evidenced in her accident, resulted in the death of a young wife and mother in California, yet Brandy walks free as of today, never doing any time and a woman is now dead possibly due to her reckless driving.

Yet, Paris Hilton did not hurt, injure, or kill anyone or anything, and yet she must do jail time.

This letter, with all due respect to you, sir, is to ask you to please consider granting a pardon to Paris Hilton for her mistake, or at the very least to advocate for a pardon to be given to Ms. Hilton. Please allow her to her return to her career and life. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn’t hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson. She is sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully to the Judge handling her case in court yesterday. She is distraught and understandably afraid to enter the prison system.

Please save Paris from ending up at the Century Regional Detention Facility in California.

I urge you to think about the welfare of this young woman who will be placed into a facility with murderers, rapists, people who have committed assault, battery, larceny, etc. Paris has made a mortal error and deserves a second chance like so many others in our great nation have been served with after a mistake they have made. In my humble opinion, if the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we as compassionate human beings can undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well.

I hope and expect that you will understand and please consider granting this unusual but important request in good faith to Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton.

More manifesto-y goodness

Here's the Cheap Art Manifesto, written by the Bread & Puppet Theater of Vermont in 1984. Enjoy.

Just say no

I got a memo in my inbox today at work from the human resources department. I opened it up and noticed.................. the entire letter was written in Comic Sans. Not just a heading or a contact number at the top of the page. The entire page was in Comic Sans, the retarded stepchild of typography. I know I touched on this before, but bear with me people: Comic Sans is ugly. Just because it has those faux-wacky squiggles and is included in the Microsoft system fonts does not mean it should be used for company-wide memos.

Which family members you can and can't marry

I've always wondered what the difference between second cousins and first cousins twice removed was.

Where have I been?

I've really been slacking lately... I know. Life has been a bit hectic lately. Mrs. T-L and I are starting to prepare ourselves for the big move to Atlanta. We still have three months to go here in Olde Neuwe England, but the trek south is imminent. Also, my job here in Boston has taken an interesting turn lately: My boss has me now doing some copy editing work instead of just archiving. It's all very exciting, but leaves me little time for blogging.

What I have been spending my precious time on is job hunting. Here's a particularly "interesting" job ad I stumbled upon today:

Do you like to spend your days bouncing off the walls with smart people? Do you have so many ideas that you oftentimes feel like sticking your head in a paint can and shaking it out on a blank canvas? Are you fabulous?

If you just thought to yourself, How did they know? then you may want to consider [name omitted to protect the guilty], the countrys [sic] largest and most experienced creative advertising agency of its kind, offering more than 30 years of service in retail and direct-response catalog services.

I am fabulous. Somebody give me a job! Wait, that's what fabulous means now? Oh, never mind.

Why job ads are horrible

It's been a big week for Mrs. T-L and I. We found out we'll eventually be moving to Atlanta, Georgia. As much as we love it here in New England, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity came up for her and we're now planning to move there sometime in the late summer.

I've already started looking for work down there, and as much fun as it can be imagining myself in different jobs, I sometimes wonder what people are thinking when they come up with some of these job listings.

For instance, I was looking at listing today for an editor position at a trade journal. The company publishes a paper products magazine. So not only do they want someone to do painstaking editing and journalism work, but they expect the applicant to be "familiar with the forest products industry" as well! Now, I don't know any lumberjacks personally, but my guess is that they're a lot frickin better at cutting down trees than paginating a centerspread in Quark XPress and then exporting it to a high-res PDF. The worst offenders of this type are medical journals/magazines/etc. If I have a medical degree or experience as a doctor, why on earth would I take a job as a lowly copy editor? I honestly think some of these corporate publication types really don't understand that journalists are paid to be generalists -- we can't be experts in every little topic under the sun, but we know when to ask more questions and what needs to be verified.

And there's this: A little while ago I happened to look at a job listing from a local TV news station. The job was for a news editor. I think the last line is just depressing: "News background a plus."

Yet another absurd NY Times trend story

Anyone familiar with the nitty-gritty of journalism can spot a crappy trend story from a mile away. It's a type of story that certain kinds of journalists can't help themselves from writing. Basically, they pick out a dubious fad that a small group of people (usually bourgeois Upper East Side types) are engaging in and pretend it's "the next big thing."

Today's egregious example of this is a story about the rise of facial yoga. As if yoga wasn't already ridiculous enough, participants in this new style are required to make maniacal expressions in the hopes of avoiding a costly face lift operation. Now, I've never experienced the transcendence that is face yoga, but I do know that any activity requiring this pose can't be good.